


I wanna hold your hand

by tinyarmedtrex



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: (or is he?), College AU, M/M, Ronan may be an ass but he's Adam's ass, a pumpkin patching we will go, blue and gansey are adorably annoying, clueless adam, pining Ronan, these oblivious boys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-04
Updated: 2018-08-07
Packaged: 2019-05-02 07:33:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 20,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14539764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinyarmedtrex/pseuds/tinyarmedtrex
Summary: Having Adam constantly in his small dorm drove Ronan crazy. But the idea of not having him around was worse. So Ronan dealt with it, he made himself be content with what they had, with watching Adam from his bed and throwing snacks at him. It was enough.Or, Ronan likes Adam and he's convinced Adam doesn't feel the same.





	1. Chapter 1

Ronan woke up to someone knocking, loudly and persistently, on his dorm room door. “Hold your fucking horses.” He yelled, rubbing a hand over his face. He had been trying to take a quick nap between class and work and wasn’t happy about being interrupted.

He opened it to see a ruffled Adam on the other side. “Can I study here? Gansey has Blue over and there’s, well, a lot of giggling.” He asked, looking annoyed as he explained.

Ronan nodded. “I can’t picture Blue giggling.” He said, jerking his head for Adam to come in.

“I didn’t say it was Blue.” Adam said, walking in and dropping his bag on the floor. “She’s over all the time. And I love her but,” he sighed. “It’s a small dorm and they’re taking up all of it.”

Ronan nodded. Gansey had insisted on the full college experience, living in the dorms for all four years. Adam had been rooming with him since freshman year, three years already. Ronan had never asked why Adam agreed but guessed it had to do with Gansey paying for most of the dorm without directly telling Adam. Adam probably knew but wouldn’t admit it. Instead he just kept agreeing to be roommates and would fix the Pig. But also because Adam, like everyone else, had a hard time saying no to Gansey.  At least This year they had a separate living and bedroom area, not that that helped much if Blue and Gansey were being their normal loud, couple-y selves.

Ronan was been lucky enough to have scored a single. It was a relief to come back to somewhere quiet, where no one commented about his music or Chainsaw’s noises. He had been living with Noah before but couldn’t take the hovering anymore. It worked out, Noah was off campus in an apartment with Henry, both of them happily being the loud messes they were.

Ronan’s lack of roommates meant that Adam dropped by occasionally. More than occasionally. He would stop over after class and stay until he left to go to sleep, sitting on the floor, tapping away on his ancient laptop. Ronan had offered to let him use his desk but Adam would just shake his head, not even looking up from his screen.

Ronan liked having Adam there. Listening to his quiet hums and exasperated comments made Ronan smile. Adam would get in a headspace where no one else existed and Ronan could watch him as he chewed the end of his pen and thought.

Like now, Adam had already settled into his space, sitting crossed legged with a book on his lap. Ronan observed, pretending to slowly pack his bag.

He watched as Adam tried to blow hair out of his eyes. He was badly in need of a haircut but Ronan knew he’d put it off as long as he could. Last time Blue had offered to cut it and it took Adam a month to grow it out. Now, it was long enough that the ends were curled at the nape of his neck.

Under his hair, Adam’s dark eyes intently scanned his book, reading carefully.  He was twirling a pen, a sure sign he was thinking through a problem. Ronan took all of it in in less than a minute, wishing he could go over and massage Adam’s tense shoulders and help him relax. But then, Adam being constantly stressed was an essential part of who he was. Another thing Ronan liked.

Ronan liked everything about Adam. It was a problem, a growing one. He could ignore his feelings most of the time, since it was obvious that Adam only saw him as a friend. They had known each other for years and Adam had dated a variety of people, none of them seriously and had never even taken a second glance at Ronan.

Ronan, on the other hand, was always watching Adam. He had all his quirks memorized and knew when Adam’s mood shifted before Adam did. He knew it was a problem but couldn’t stop himself. He had tried dating other people, even had a semi-long term relationship last year- until Noah pointed out how he and Adam had the same mannerisms. Ronan had realized he was a poor substitute for the real thing and had broken it off. Now, having Adam constantly in his small dorm drove Ronan crazy. But the idea of not having him around was worse. So Ronan dealt with it, he made himself be content with what they had, with watching Adam from his bed and throwing snacks at him. It was enough.

“Are you going to be here when I get back?” Ronan asked, closing his bag.

Adam flipped through his planner, looking at what he needed to do. “Probably. That alright?”

“Of course.” Adam was the only person he trusted in his room alone. And he knew Chainsaw liked his company. “I’ll grab us some sandwiches on my way back.”

“No mustard.” Adam and Ronan chorused together, Ronan in a jesting tone.

“Yea, I know Adam. We’ve been friends for years, I know your strange hatred for mustard.” Ronan shook his head and Adam made a face.

“It’s disgusting and unnaturally yellow.”

“Whatever man.” Ronan opened the door, leaving Adam to his pile of homework. Ronan wandered to the library for his shift. He’d been working there nearly two years and enjoyed it, shelving books and occasionally interacting with people. He hadn’t expected to like the work but found that the peace was exactly what he needed. The late night shifts were his favorite, no one except for frenzied students came in after 8pm so it was quiet. He could put his headphones in and zone out until midnight.

Today though he had an afternoon shift. It meant he would spend his next few hours helping confused patrons find their books and putting away ones people had abandoned. By the time he clocked out he was in a foul mood. An older woman had taken up nearly an hour of his time insisting that he find her a specific book on Roman architecture that she knew nothing about except it had a green cover. It had ended up being a blue book about Greek cityscapes. She had acted liked it was his fault for the misunderstanding and had checked it out with a huff. Ronan’s coworker had shared a pained look with him as he left.

He stopped by the campus convenience store, picking up dinner for him and Adam, plus some snacks. He was convinced Adam didn’t eat unless someone reminded him so whenever he was over Ronan bought his favorite foods, insisting Adam eat them.

When he got back to his dorm Adam was curled up on his bed, napping. Ronan took a second to watch him, his bad mood dissipating as he watched Adam lightly breathing in and out,  his face free from any sign of stress, a rarity for Adam. It vaguely concerned Ronan how this was the only time Adam looked relaxed. Normally he was tightly coiled and near exhaustion. Adam had a full class load, an internship and two jobs. Ronan didn’t know how he did it.

Ronan sat at his desk, letting Adam get some much needed sleep. He liked that Adam felt comfortable sleeping in his bed, though he probably wouldn’t if he knew the dreams Ronan had had about him in it.

Adam woke up 20 minutes later, sitting up and rubbing his eyes. “Fuck, how long was I out?”

Ronan shrugged, “Probably 4 hours less than you needed.” He moved, sitting by Adam on the bed. “Ready to eat?”

Adam nodded and stretched, giving Ronan a quick glance at a strip of skin on his pale stomach as his shirt rode up. Ronan quickly turned away, grabbing the remote. Watching a movie while they ate had become a semi ritual for them. Ronan turned on some old spy movie and Adam groaned. “Come on, can we please watch something else? These are so cheesy.”

“My room, my rules.” Ronan replied, placing the remote on his desk.

Without hesitation, Adam reached over Ronan and grabbed the remote, moving abruptly enough that Ronan didn’t respond. It didn’t help that he was very distracted by Adam being momentarily in his lap.

“I’m the guest.” Adam said, starting to channel surf.

“You’re barely a guest at this point.” Ronan pointed out, reaching for the remote. Adam held it high, purposely just out of Ronan’s reach. Adam was all arms and legs whereas Ronan was more compact. “You ass.” Adam just laughed, shaking the object to taunt Ronan.

Ronan reached across Adam, their chests colliding, and stretched as far as he could. Adam fell on to the bed in surprise and Ronan fell on top of him. Both struggled for a bit, Ronan stretching and Adam moving just out of reach.

“Maybe if you grew a few inches you wouldn’t have this issue.” Adam quipped, laughing.

Ronan moved to straddle him, trying to pin Adam’s other arm down.  “Yea but who’s on top here?” He said with a smirk as he successfully trapped Adam’s arm under his thigh. He reached over Adam again, trying to ignore all the parts of them that were touching, chests, legs, arms. Ronan could smell the faint scent of gasoline, Adam’s soap and something that was just Adam.

“You only think you’re in control.” Adam responded, tickling the inside of Ronan’s thigh with his fingertips. He yelped and Adam freed himself, sitting up. “See? Never assume that just because you’re on top you’ve won.” He looked very proud of himself, his cheeks were flush from laughing and the wrestling.

“Lots of hubris from someone who hasn’t won yet.” Ronan dove again for the remote, finally succeeding in grabbing it and ending up sprawled on top of Adam again. Both breathless and laughing. Ronan looked down, Adam’s face was close, his eyes bright and fixed on him. Ronan swallowed the strong desire to kiss him, especially as Adam stopped laughing and just watched him, the tip of his tongue brushing his bottom lip. Ronan felt his cheeks darken as he tried not to stare at Adam’s mouth.

He quickly crawled off Adam, still holding the remote. “Looks like you lost Parrish.” He said, trying to keep his voice even. He changed the channel to a cooking show he knew Adam liked and both started eating, commenting on the poor choice of using raw onions in a dish.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ronan looked around, spotting an animal that didn’t have kids around it. “Come pet the donkey with me.”
> 
> “I already have an ass in my life.”

“It’ll be fun!” Gansey crowed over dinner, looking eagerly at his friends, obviously expecting their agreement. 

Ronan exchanged a glance with Henry, who seemed to have the same thought as him. “This does not sound fun.” He said, stuffing more fries in his mouth.

“Come on, please!” Gansey looked to the others, “Noah? Jane? Adam?”

“If it means leaving campus I’m always in.” Noah said, nodding. Gansey beamed at the reluctant agreement. 

“Me too, I think it’ll be cute.” Blue agreed. 

Gansey kissed her cheek before looking at Adam. “What do you say?” Ronan was also watching Adam, He had been quiet for most of dinner. Ronan couldn’t tell if he was tired or just done with them. Sometimes he would slip inside himself, living in his own headspace and forgetting about other people. 

Now he nodded slowly, like he was just catching up with the conversation. “Sure, I’ll go.”

“Excellent!” Gansey pumped his fist in the air, looking back to Henry and Ronan. “Are you two in now?”

Ronan reluctantly nodded. “Fine.”

Henry looked at him. “Traitor.” The he nodded. “I’ll go too.”

“Fantastic! This Saturday a pumpkin patching we will go!” Gansey grinned at the table and was met with smiles, some excited, some reluctant. “It’s part one of our fall extravaganza!” Gansey was obsessed with making sure they did all the big fall activities this year, starting with the pumpkin patch. Ronan knew as much as everyone grumbled they’d all go, Gansey’s enthusiasm would always carry the day.

On Saturday they all piled into Henry’s old van. Everyone gave him shit him for driving the mom mobile but, really, it was nice to have a car that fit everyone. His only rule was that he picked the music and who rode shotgun. So it was nearly always Blue in the front seat and they listened to whatever she wanted. Ronan would complain every time and eventually Henry had banished him to the very back seat. 

Adam was next to him, reading a paperback that he brought. “Adam.” Ronan said, already bored with staring out the window on the long car trip. Gansey had insisted on going to the highest rated pumpkin patch and it was nearly an hour drive. 

Adam didn’t look up. “Parish. Adam. Parish. Adam.” Ronan repeated until Adam finally looked up, an irritated expression on his face. 

“Ronan, just because you get car sick doesn’t mean that I have to suffer.”

Ronan smirked at him. “It absolutely does.” He nimbly grabbed the book from Adam’s hands, hoping he would try to grab it back. 

Instead Adam just sighed and looked at Ronan. “Fine. You win. Now what?” 

Ronan was surprised how easy it was to get Adam’s attention. He hadn’t planned anything past annoying him. He wasn’t sure what to do now. He faltered and Adam noticed, smiling slightly. “Ronan, you need to work on follow though.” 

“I didn’t think you’d give in so easy, I expect this to last at least another twenty minutes. You’re getting soft in your old age.” Ronan smirked at him, pleased with his response.

Adam laughed. “Sure Ronan, it’s my fault. How about twenty questions?” 

Ronan nodded, just pleased to have Adam’s attention. Twenty questions was their normal car game. Both were competitive and liked to come up with impossible answers. “You start.” 

So they played, picking more and more ridiculous answers as they drove. Ronan’s last one had been the knife wound that actually killed Caesar. Ronan was trying to guess one of Adam’s as they parked. 

“Come on Parish, we’re here. Tell me what it was.”

“Nope.” Adam shook his head. “You’ll have to keep guessing.” He said, crawling out of the car with the others. 

Ronan groaned, following. “I’ve been guessing for like twenty minutes.”

“Yea, you’d think you would have figured it out by now.” Adam said, flashing him a smile as he caught up with the others. “Maybe you’re the one getting soft.” He said, tapping Ronan’s temple. 

Ronan rolled his eyes and followed, bumping Adam with his shoulder as he caught up. “Just because you’re a fancy double major doesn’t make you smarter than me.”

“No, the fact that you can’t guess my topic makes me smarter than you.” Adam said, giving him a half smile. 

Ronan was about to retort when Gansey turned to the group, asking, “Where first?” Ronan looked around. The pumpkin patch was huge, there were several bouncy houses, a petting zoo and a corn maze, in addition to a pumpkins and a cafe. Ronan could see why Gansey had picked it. Everyone, predictably, shouted different answers. 

“Apple cider!” Noah pointed.

“Petting Zoo!” Blue cried.

“Corn maze.” Ronan added. 

“Home.” Henry said. 

Adam just shrugged. 

“Petting Zoo it is!” Gansey said, setting off with the confidence that he would be followed. Of course, everyone did. They quickly paid and went over to the petting zoo, which was full of animals and kids. 

Ronan watched as Adam reluctantly entered the area. He never felt comfortable around farm animals, claiming they were too unpredictable.  A goat came over and immediately started chewing on his shirt. “Hey!” He cried, pulling it out of it’s mouth. He glared at the goat, who was unaffected. 

Ronan laughed. “Everyone knows goats eat trash Parish, it’s your fault for wearing it.” He walked over, fingering the hole the goat created. “He improved it, really, now it’s punk.” Ronan’s hand accidentally scraped against Adam’s stomach and he fought a blush. Adam didn’t seem to notice. 

Adam scoffed, pushing Ronan. “I like this shirt.” 

Ronan released his shirt. “You’re the only one.” That wasn’t true. Ronan liked Adam’s clothes. All of them were worn and comfortable. And very Adam. 

Ronan looked around, spotting an animal that didn’t have kids around it. “Come pet the donkey with me.”

“I already have an ass in my life.” Adam quipped, following him and looking cautiously at the animal. Ronan was already petting him behind the ears and Adam watched anxiously. 

“Yea, you’re hilarious. At least I’m not afraid of farm animals.” Ronan said, seeing Adam’s unease. “Just pet him.” 

Adam shook his head. “I’m fine.” He eyed the animal like he thought it would attack him. The donkey barely noticed he was there, just happy to not have kids crawling on him. 

Ronan scoffed and grabbed Adam’s hand, making him pet the animal’s back. Adam stiffened then relaxed, allowing Ronan to guide his hand. Ronan let his fingers slip between Adam’s, both petting the animal. He ignored how much he liked this, how comfortable it felt to have Adam’s hand in his. 

Once Adam relaxed Ronan removed his hand. He wandered over to buy some food. “Here,” He lifted Adam’s other hand, pouring pellets into it. “Just bend your fingers back a little.”

Adam looked skeptical but listened, putting his hands under the animals mouth while Ronan continue to pet him. The donkey happily ate his treat and Adam smiled, watching him. “I guess he’s not so bad.” 

“Not all ass’s are.” 

Adam laughed. “You’re right.” He watched Ronan. “I always forget how comfortable you are with farm animals.”

“Look who we hang out with.” Ronan said, pointing to Noah, who was chasing Henry with a chicken and Blue, who was trying to pick up a pig. Gansey was watching all of them, trying not to get his shoes dirty. 

He smiled. “Good point.” 

They kept feeding the donkey until Noah came over and tried to put the chicken on Adam’s shoulder, which made him jump and scurry behind Ronan. “Come on, don’t ruin my shirt.” He protested unhappily. 

“I’m not going to protect you.” Ronan said, stepping to the side and letting Noah pass. He chased Adam around until they got kicked out by an employee for being too disruptive. 

“Now what?” Noah asked, his cheeks flushed while the rest of him remained pale. He was thrilled with being removed from the petting zoo. Adam looked like he wanted to disappear. 

“Corn maze.” Ronan said, wanting to get Adam out of the view of the angry chicken wrangler. 

Everyone nodded in agreement and they entered the large maze. “Left or Right?” Blue asked. 

“Left!” Noah said, turning and heading in that direction. Everyone followed but Ronan grabbed Adam, pulling him right.

“What are you doing?” Adam whispered, throwing a glance over his shoulder as their friends disappeared.

“You looked like you needed a break.” Adam seemed like he wanted to go back so Ronan added, “I bet we can finish before them.”

That did it. Adam liked to pretend that he wasn’t competitive but Ronan knew he was. He nodded. “Alright. Let’s go.” 

They wandered, running into a few other people but were mostly alone. “Are we lost?” Adam asked about 15 minutes later. “I swear we’ve been here already.” 

“How can you tell?” Ronan asked. There were occasional markers but they hadn’t passed the same one yet. 

Adam shrugged. “Okay, fair point.” 

“Anyway, we’re in corn. We can just break through.” Ronan wasn’t actually sure where they were in relation to the exit but he was sure they weren’t lost. He had been taking all left turns.  

“We’re not breaking through, that’s rude and destructive.” Adam paused, he had been letting Ronan shepard the way but now he grabbed Ronan’s hand. “I’m not letting you lead. We already went that way.” Ronan didn’t protest, Adam’s hand was warm and calloused in his as he pulled him a different way.  Adam winded them through the maze, both making corny jokes about their surroundings. Ronan had to admit his plan had worked better than expected. Adam seemed to be having fun, and he hadn’t dropped Ronan’s hand. 

At least, until another twenty minutes passed and they were both sweating from the noon sun.  “We’ve been here too,” Ronan said as they passed the same picture of a black cat for the third time. “You’re no better at this than me.” He was getting hot and thirsty. He could tell Adam was getting annoyed too, he hated puzzles he couldn’t solve. 

Adam abruptly stopped, making Ronan run into him. “We’re totally lost.” He finally admitted, turning to Ronan. 

“Are you ready to just break through some corn?” 

Adam nodded reluctantly. “As long as the others don’t find out.”

“I’m sure as hell not going to tell them.” Ronan said, leading the way to the outer edge of the maze and walking though. He held the husks aside as Adam walked through.

Adam smiled at him, “Thanks.” He reached his hand to Ronan’s head, carefully running his hand over it. “You had some corn fluff in your hair.” 

“Silk.” Ronan supplied, trying not to lean into the simple touch. “Thanks.” 

Adam’s hand lingered slightly longer than necessary before pulling away. “Let’s find the others.”

They were eating apple donuts and drinking cider, laughing as Noah told some story about sneaking a squirrel into class. Gansey rose as he saw them, insisting on buying both snacks as they sat. 

“You two disappeared quickly.” Henry commented.

Adam shrugged. “We just went the other way.” 

Ronan half listened as they got teased for taking so long. He was preoccupied with a girl at another table, who was openly staring at Adam. Adam hadn’t noticed yet but with how she was batting her lashes at him it couldn’t be long until he did. Ronan continued to glare at her as he ate his donut. She didn’t seem to care. Adam finally noticed and flushed as she wiggle her fingers at him, the color creeping up his neck. As they got up she walked over, stopping Adam. 

Ronan was going to wait too but Blue pulled him along. “Leave him alone.” 

“He’s not interested.” Ronan hissed at her.

Blue looked up at him. “Maybe you should let him decide that.” 

He glared at her and she just shrugged. “Adam gets to date Ronan. It’s okay.” He wanted to argue with her but couldn’t. There was nothing he could say that wouldn’t make his feeling obvious. He worked hard to hide them from the group, not wanting anything to change. Everyone chalked his behavior up to him being an ass anyway. 

He started to reply when Adam appeared by her side. “Did you get her number?” Blue asked, nudging him. 

Adam nodded. “She took my phone and put it in.” He didn’t look particularly happy about it. Ronan decided it was time for him to leave, he didn’t want to hear about Adam flirting with someone else, even if he had no claim to him. He caught up with Henry, asking about his newest invention. 

Gansey directed them to pick out pumpkins and Ronan went to the opposite side of the pumpkin patch as Adam, not really caring which one he picked. He choose up a large one and put it in his wheelbarrow, stubbornly staying away from the others. He knew he was being unreasonable but he couldn’t help it. Adam never seemed to understand how attractive he was. Something about his ragged clothes and big eyes made girls want to mother him. Adam hated it, even if got him dates. 

Adam eventually wandered down to him, not speaking just walking nearby.  Ronan noticed that Adam kept picking up and setting down pumpkins. 

“What are you doing?” Ronan finally asked after ten minutes. He knew that Adam knew he was annoyed. It was one of the problems of being in love with your best friend, they knew nearly everything about you. He was sure Adam would chalk it up to him being jealous for a different reason. 

“Nothing.” Adam said, setting down another pumpkin. 

Ronan watched, already knowing the answer. They were charged by weight so Adam was trying to find the lightest one. He wouldn’t admit it of course but Ronan watched as he stayed near the smaller ones.

“You can’t carve that one.” Ronan said as Adam selected one that fit in his hand. 

“I’ll figure it out.” Adam said defensively. 

Ronan shook his head, “Gansey wants all of us to carve together, you’ll never hear the end of it if you show up with that.” He was still annoyed but couldn’t let Adam get a small one. It was stupid, the things this crush made him do. 

He picked up a large one and set it in his cart as Adam started protesting. “Mine is fine. I’ll figure it out.” 

Ronan knew he was on thin ice. Gansey had already paid for Adam’s snacks that day, which probably put him on edge. He needed to be careful or Adam would be pissed. 

“I’m not listening to Gansey complain that you’re missing out on his perfect Halloween.” He looked at Adam. “This is for me, not you. No one wants a whiny Gansey.” 

It worked. Adam knew what Ronan was doing and Ronan knew it but he still nodded. “Fine. Thank you.” He hated when they took care of him but was slowly being worn down, at least by Ronan’s attempts. He protested less when Ronan paid. Ronan tried not to read into it. 

The group paid and decide to leave, foregoing the bouncy houses full of kids. Ronan sat by Gansey on the way back, trying to listen as he droned on about obscure folklore. He knew he was being ridiculous but he couldn’t stop being annoyed. He hated watching people flirt with Adam. It drove him crazy, even if it rarely amounted to anything. 

Adam caught him as the group parted ways. “I deleted her number.”

“Oh,” was all Ronan could reply. He was surprised and secretly thrilled. “Well, okay. Why are you telling me?” 

Adam shrugged. “Just thought you’d want to know. That’s all.” 

“Thanks?” Ronan wasn’t sure how to respond.

Adam turned and started walking away then paused, looking back. “Also, my answer for twenty questions? The poison that killed Romeo.” He gave Ronan a small smile before turning to catch up with Gansey. 

Ronan definitely didn’t know what to do with that. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was fancasting the Raven Cycle TV show with a friend and we found a list saying that Rory Culkin should play Noah and just...no. I’m so upset that someone thought this was a good choice. You fool.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “It’s all right Parish, I’ll protect you.” Ronan said, leaning into Adam’s ear to speak.
> 
> Adam whirled around and Ronan could see his teeth flash in the light as he smirked. “What makes you think I’m the one who need protection?”

“Gansey’s obsession with Halloween is out of control this year.” Henry commented to Ronan as they walked over to Gansey and Adam’s dorm room.

“I think Blue is behind it.” Noah said. 

“This does sound like a Sargent idea.” Ronan agreed. They were going over to carve pumpkins and then go to a haunted house. Ronan didn’t mind it, he liked horror and the smell of pumpkin guts. Plus, Gansey had offered to buy all of them dinner after and no one was going to refuse free pizza.

When they arrived Blue was already on the floor, surrounded by newspapers and sketching out her idea on her pumpkin. Noah grabbed his white pumpkin and plunked down next to her. “I’m going to put a graveyard on mine.” He said, peering at her elaborate design. 

“I’m just carving ‘loans’ into mine.” Henry said, also sitting by them. “It was the scariest thing I could think of.” Blue laughed and he grinned. 

Ronan noticed that Adam wasn’t around. “Where’s Parrish?” He asked Gansey, who had just finished putting out all the carving tools.

“Stuck at work. He’s coming later.”  Gansey sat on Blue’s other side, watching her carefully carve her pumpkin. 

Ronan tried not to feel disappointed and sat, starting to hack at his pumpkin top. He made his into a regular scary face. Gansey carved a bee into his. Blue was halfway through her haunted house and everyone else had finished when Adam finally came in, looking exhausted.

Gansey jumped up,“Excellent! Gang’s all here, let’s get going.” He turned, busying himself with throwing the newspapers and pumpkin remains into a plastic bag. 

Adam fell next to Ronan, looking at his pumpkin. “Self portrait?” 

“Ass.” Ronan hit his shoulder then looked at Adam, taking in the deep bags under his eyes and the slump in his shoulders. “Are you okay?” 

Adam shrugged. “They offered me a few more hours and I couldn’t say no. But now I’m behind on my speech for one of my classes. I don’t really have time to be startled by people in bad costumes but,” He glanced at Gansey, who was pulling Henry up, “I think I’m stuck. I’ll just stay up tonight to work on it.” 

Ronan wanted to protest on his behalf, to tell him to just go to sleep now. But he knew how it would end, with Adam getting annoyed and not talking to him and still coming with tonight. So he just nodded. “Sucks man.” 

“It’s fine.” Everything was fine for Adam. It was his default answer, no matter the question. 

Gansey started ushering everyone out the door, insisting that they needed to get going or the lines would be terrible. Everyone followed slowly, Ronan waiting as Adam stood and stretched. 

“Come on you two! Don’t be chickens!” Blue yelled when she felt like they were taking too long. 

“The lady calls.” Ronan said. Adam flashed him a quick smile as they caught up. Blue had done some research to find the closest, best house. Ronan’s comment that they could just look at Gansey when he woke up and save 20$ earned him a swat. 

The line for the haunted house was long and in the frigid night air. The group waited, talking about classes and the costume party coming up. Ronan watched as Adam wrapped his arms around himself. He hadn't grabbed a coat. Ronan watched him suffer for a while before shrugging his off and thrusting it at him. “Here.” 

Adam shook his head. “I’m fine.”

“You’re shivering.” He insisted.

“If I take it you’ll just be cold.” 

“No, I actually have some flesh on my bones. I’ll be okay.” Ronan said, pushing it at him again. Adam was impossibly thin, Ronan wondered how many regular meals it would take before he looked nourished. 

Adam looked at him for a second before accepting the coat, slipping it on. He smiled as he looked at his bare wrists. “My gangly arms don’t quite fit. I guess my wrists and hands will stay cold.” 

“I can warm those up manually.” Ronan said, not thinking. 

Adam’s eyes flicked up at him and he swallowed. “Manually?” He asked, chuckling.

“Shut up, you know what I mean.” He rubbed his hands on Adam’s wrists and the back of his hands, refusing to think about how Adam’s hands felt under his. Ronan was playing with fire, casually touching Adam like this and he knew it. It was inevitable that Adam would figure out what he was doing and why. Adam was too smart to not see. But it didn’t stop him, not yet anyway.

“See?” Ronan asked, feeling Adam’s skin warming under his. 

Adam nodded, looking down at their hands. “Thanks, that is better.” 

“I know.” Ronan said, earning a small whack from Adam. 

Adam kept his coat until they were finally inside. Gansey had already paid for the tickets and the group was waiting to go in. 

“I hate haunted houses.” Noah grumped. “They’re never scary. It’d be so much creepier if they were outside or something, like in a forest.” 

“This one is supposed to be good.” Henry said, seeming excited now that they were inside. He had looked up the house while they carved pumpkins.  “I guess they split you up.”

“Great, Ronan gets lost in a corn maze, how is he going to handle this?” Adam teased.

Ronan pushed his shoulder. “You got lost too Parish.”

An employee of the house asked them to be quiet, explaining the rules. They could leave at any time. If they said ‘eggplant’ to an employee, they’d be lead out. The actors might touch them but they were not to touch the actors. No breaking anything, the paths should be obvious. Otherwise they were told to enjoy the night.

The friends were ushered in in in their own group. Gansey was holding Blue’s hand tightly as they started walking through the dark halls and Ronan was last, next to Adam. The door slammed behind them, leaving them in near darkness, the only light was small and straight ahead of them.  Ronan thought he could feel someone breathing on his neck but when he whirled around but no one was there. 

They began walking down the hallway, scary noises bombarding them.  

“Three way split.” Gansey called from the front. “Which way comrades?” As he spoke Ronan could see people dressed as ghouls appearing from the walls and leading them different ways. One of them directed Adma and him to the right, away from the others.

“Looks like it’s just us.” Adam commented as the door slammed shut behind them. Ronan could barely see him, the lights were dimmed, only black light illuminated the way.

“It’s all right Parish, I’ll protect you.” Ronan said, leaning into Adam’s ear to speak. 

Adam whirled around and Ronan could see his teeth flash in the light as he smirked. “What makes you think I’m the one who need protection?” 

Ronan was about to retort when a loud noise made him jump, bumping into Adam’s chest. Adam chuckled and started walking, Ronan turned to glare at the source of the noise before continuing. They entered into a creepy kid’s room, full of toys with their heads torn off and a slowly rocking chair. Ronan followed Adam closely, peering around for any potential jump scares. 

“Scared? I can hold your hand.” Adam teased as he watched Ronan’s actions. 

“Shut up.” Ronan replied gruffly. As they walked he felt eyes on them. Slowly, kids started emerging, splattered with blood and gore. They advanced on the boys, arms outstretched and groaning. 

“Can you help us?” One of the kids asked.

“I miss my mommy!” Another cried. 

Ronan crowded closer to Adam, feeling thoroughly creeped out. The kids eyes were blacked out and they stared at Ronan, unblinking. Adam grabbed his hand, giving it a quick squeeze before leading him to the next room.  As the door shut behind them Ronan breathed s sigh of relief that the kids didn’t seem inclined to follow. 

This room looked like a stereotypical 1950’s kitchen. White cabinets and an old, teal fridge, all in pristine condition. Except they were covered in blood, painted with it. Body parts were twitching on the floor, looking like they could come back to life at any time. 

“Ronan, relax.” Adam said when he kept bumping into him. Adam’s thumb ran on the backside of Ronan’s hand, trying to calm him down. “It’s not real.” 

“I know that.” Ronan gritted out, jumping as a maniacal housewife appeared, wielding a large knife. She chased them to the next room, screaming for ‘her boys to come back’. 

This continued for a while, Adam got scared when they entered a room full of spiders and webs, Ronan getting freaked out in a cannibal doctor room. They huddled together, laughing at how ridiculous they were both being, until they got scared again and clung to the other. Their hands stayed connected the entire trip, both offering calming squeezes as the other person tensed. 

When they finally exited serial killer alley Ronan took a deep breath of relief. “Well, that was...fun.” He could still feel his heart pounding. He reminded himself to tell Gansey to shove it next time he suggested a haunted house. 

Adam looked at him, smiling. “Glad I was stuck with you and not Noah, he would just make jokes about how ghosts aren’t scary.”  

Ronan nodded, “Henry probably kept his hands over his eyes the whole time.” 

Adam nodded. “Do you think they’re out yet?” 

Ronan looked around for their friends. “I don’t see them.” He realized they were still holding hands and dropped Adam’s, embarrassed. 

Adam looked down at their hands, looking momentarily disappointed that the contact ended before also peering around. “Me either.” He said with a shrug. “Maybe it took them longer to get through the puzzle room.” One of the rooms had required them to find a key before escaping, the walls slowly closing in as they looked. Adam had found it in record time. 

Adam pointed to a small food truck. “I’ll buy you a cocoa.” Ronan started to protest and Adam held up a hand. “You lent me your coat, let me say thank you.” 

“Okay.” Ronan followed Adam, watching as he bought two cocoas and handed him one. Ronan wrapped his hands around the styrofoam cup, feeling his fingers warm up. “Thanks.” 

Adam nodded, taking a sip. “Mm, this is terrible.” He said, chuckling.

Ronan took a drink. “Ah yes, the chocolate flavored water variety of cocoa.”  
“I guess I owe you a real cocoa.” Adam said, taking another drink and making a face. 

“Don’t worry about it.” Ronan replied, drinking more of his. It really was lightly flavored warm water. But it was keeping his hands warm and giving him something to focus on besides Adam’s eyes. 

“No, I’ll take you to that cafe you like. They have good cocoa, right?” 

Ronan nodded, about to respond as he felt arms over his shoulders. “You two planning a hot date? Can I come?” Noah asked, stealing Ronan’s cocoa and drinking half of it. 

“No.” Ronan said, snatching it back.

“No to the date or to me joining you? I’m a good date, really.” Noah said, looking put out. “I can provide references. Lots of them.” He said, wiggling his eyebrows. 

“To both.” Ronan answered. “Where’s Henry?” He wanted to change the subject before Noah asked any other questions. He was sure Adam hadn’t meant it as a date but he didn’t want Adam to feel embarrassed and take the offer back. 

Noah looked around and pointed to Henry, who was clearly telling a group of girls a story of his bravery. Noah scoffed. “Henry clung to me the whole damn time. He practically ran through the house.”

Adam laughed and Ronan watched his eyes light up, happy that Adam had relaxed and was having fun. “Should we find the love birds?” Noah asked and both nodded, following Noah. They quickly found the others, Gansey was holding Blue’s hands and blowing on them. She was laughing, protesting how ridiculous it was but clearly pleased. 

“Fellows!” Gansey said upon seeing the others. “What did you think?”

Noah launched into a long story about a weird robot room while they all walked back to the car, Gansey promising them pizza. Ronan kept stealing glances at Adam as they ate, wondering if there was a possibility that he did mean it as a date.A few times Adam caught him looking and stuck his tongue out, making Ronan smile. By the end of the night he didn’t have any more ideas but was happy to see that Adam ate four slices of pizza, both laughing along at Henry’s story about his anthro professor and her need to include updates about her cats in every email. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You should practice on Adam.” Henry offered and two pairs of eyes snapped to him.

“Blue, stop, that’s enough blood.” Adam grumbled as Blue flung the gooey substance on him, using a paintbrush to get flecks.

“Pretty sure the whole point of the night is that there’s no such thing as enough blood.” Noah quipped, adding more gore to the scar that ran along his cheek. 

Adam flinched when more blood hit his face, Blue completely ignoring his objection. She stood back, admiring her work. “Okay, now you’re free.” She turned the mirror, adding blood to her own outfit. 

Tonight was the local zombie pub crawl. It was the first year that all of them were twenty one and Henry had insisted that they go. The nearby streets would be blocked for the hundreds of drunk zombies. 8 bars participated, each having special drinks, plus various small pop ups, ensured that people were never too far from a drink. There were two stages for music, both hosting terrible cover bands that Ronan was hoping to avoid but knew that Blue would drag them to see. 

They had all bought cheap scrubs from Goodwill and had torn them up, adding dirt and fake blood to the outfits. Blue had done some scars and they all looked appropriately zombified.

“One big, pre-drunk zombie picture?” Henry asked. He had an oozing head wound that looked alarmingly realistic. Blue may have picked the wrong career path, she could do amazing wound makeup.

“Yes!” Gansey said. He looked the oddest because, in a very Gansey fashion, he somehow still looked pristine under his dirt and gore. He also had the least blood on him, he had been able to convince Blue to show some restraint on his outfit. 

They all crowded in as Henry took several selfies, insisting that they smile then look like the undead. He wouldn’t release them until he felt like they had all given their best zombie faces. 

After Adam turned to Ronan, lightly touching the fake gash he had on the side of his head. His fingers came away red. “I keep thinking it’s real.” He told Ronan, craning his neck to look at it. “And that you somehow got in a fight that I missed.” 

Ronan smiled and touched the bite mark on Adam’s neck, feeling Adam’s heartbeat increase under his fingers. “I keep thinking this is real. You would have been in a real throwdown fight to get a mark like that though.” He paused. “Or something very different.”  Adam chuckled and Ronan let his fingers linger on Adam’s neck, not wanting to break the moment.

Things had been shifting between them since the haunted house. There were more careful touches, lingering looks. Adam constantly seemed to be on the edge of saying something but he hadn’t. 

They hadn’t had their coffee...event yet. Ronan couldn’t bring himself to think of it as a date, it put too much pressure on something that wasn’t even scheduled. Adam had been too busy with class and work. Outside of meals and one hang out in Ronan’s room this was the first time extended period of time that they had spent together since the haunted house. Ronan was trying not to be nervous about it. 

“Let’s go eat some brains!” Noah said, holding up plastic brain that Ronan knew was filled with alcohol. His own flask was in his pocket, slightly less obvious than Noah’s.

The group nodded and trailed down to where their uber was waiting. All had agreed it wasn’t a night to drive. They piled in, trying not to get blood on the seats. 

It dropped them off as close as possible to the event, which was in full swing with lots of people in various states of drunkenness wandering around. Ronan looked around, trying not to be annoyed as an intoxicated guy bumped into him. He growled and shoved the man back to his friends, who didn’t seem to notice. 

“Already making friends?” Adam asked, smirking.

“Shut up.” Ronan replied. “Let’s go get a drink.” The friends agreed and went to wait in line. Gansey insisted on buying everyone a round of shots, as well as their first drink.

“Cheers!” Gansey cried, pouring the shot down. Everyone followed suit, Ronan accidentally staring as Adam threw his head back and downed the shot, his adam’s apple bobbing as he drank. Ronan was suddenly overcome with the desire to lick Adam’s neck, feeling a tightness in his chest as he thought about it. Adam caught him watching, blushing under Ronan’s gaze. Ronan felt his cheeks burn and he quickly looked away, embarrassed that he was staring and even more embarrassed that he was caught. He took a long drink of his beer, reminding himself to keep it together.

“Let’s so find the music!” Blue insisted. Ronan groaned but knew better than to complain, it would only make her more adamant. The group started out, commenting on costumes and the variety of drinks as they walked. He was impressed, a lot of people had put effort into their costumes, coming up with elaborate zombie killing outfits or large props. There was also some lazy people, who just spattered some blood on a shirt and called it good but, overall, people had tried. Ronan was grateful that Blue had insisted on their time consuming makeup so they were in the ‘good’ range of costumes. 

They stopped at the first stage, where an all women band was covering Blitzkrieg Bop. Ronan flinched as they sang. “What’s wrong?” Adam asked, sidling next to him. 

“I like this song, it hurts to hear it ruined.” 

Adam chuckled and Blue turned to them, looking a little tipsy. A huge grin was plastered on her face and she was moving along to the music.

“Come dance with me!” She insisted, grabbing Adam’s hand and pulling him into the crowd. Adam gave Ronan a quick ‘what can you do?’ look as he disappeared. Gansey gave him a quick wave and followed the pair. 

Ronan leaned against a light pole, happy to watch other people make fools of themselves, until Noah tugged on his arm. “We’re going in too.” He said.

“No.” 

“But it’s fun! Look! Dancing drunk bodies!” He threw an arm to the gyrating crowd.

“No.” He repeated, crossing his arms. 

“Come onnnnn.” He whined. 

“I’m not going.” Ronan snapped.

Noah looked from him to Henry, asking for help. 

“I think you are.” Henry said. “It’ll be fun! Plus,” He leaned in and added quietly, “Adam needs a dance partner who isn’t Blue.”

Ronan’s eyes bugged out slightly as he looked at Henry, trying to think of how to respond. Did Henry actually know or was it just a random comment? Out of all the people who would figure out his feelings he had put Henry near the bottom, above Noah but below Blue or Gansey. He worried that if Henry figured out he wasn’t being nearly as subtle as he thought. 

“Fine.” He growled, letting them pull him into the crowd. He didn’t want Henry to say anything else, especially in front of Noah who would hound him to no end if he found out about his feelings for Adam. 

They ended up near their friends, Ronan bopping his head as he watched the others. Noah was an intense dancer, arms and legs flailing. Gansey and Henry were more contained, though Henry definitely had more rhythm than Gansey. Blue was dancing wildly, not caring what music was playing as she moved, holding both of Adam’s hands to make him sway with her. Adam was an awkward dancer, to say the least, he looked uncomfortable but was laughing with Blue as she spun him. 

After a few songs Gansey cut in, pulling Blue close and kissing her as a slower song started. Henry hip checked Adam into Ronan, pretending it was an accident but winking at Ronan. At least now he knew that Henry had figured out his feelings, somehow. Ronan resolved to talk to him about this, he wasn’t sure he could handle Henry’s type of help.

For now though, he turned to Adam, who was standing in front of him, a hand hanging on his neck. “Wanna dance?” Adam asked. Ronan tensed and Adam scrambled to add, “Nevermind, it’s stupid. We don’t have to.” He started to turn away and Ronan grabbed his wrist. 

“No, we can dance.” Ronan threw their empty drinks away and pulled Adam to him, his hands on Adam’s neck, Adam’s hands went to his waist and they stood in that position, not moving.

“This is weird, right?” Adam asked, smiling awkwardly at Ronan. 

Ronan nodded. “Probably because we’re not moving.”

Adam chuckled. “Right, sure.” They started rotating in a tight circle. other people bumping into them as they turned. 

They were close, Adam’s eyes were on him, asking a question that Ronan didn’t know how to answer. Ronan was stiff, worried about doing something wrong or giving too much away. He had to still his hands, wanting to play with the curls at the nape of Adam’s neck. Adam’s hands were warm on his waist, holding his hips, and this was a terrible idea. He kept reminding himself to breath. He didn’t know what possessed him to agree to this. He couldn’t dance. And he really couldn’t dance with Adam. 

But he didn't leave. They rocked in a slow circle, not talking, both watching each other until the song ended. 

“I need another drink.” Ronan said, slipping his hands away from Adam and quickly  turning away. Luckily, Adam didn’t follow.

Ronan waited in the drink line, trying to think about anything besides Adam’s hands and eyes on him. He didn’t know what to do. He wondered briefly if Adam had expected Ronan to kiss him. The thought made Ronan tense up, his hands bunching into fists. Ronan couldn’t handle this weird limbo they were in. He had been fine when they were just friends and he knew exactly where he stood. These recent developments confused him and he wanted to punch something. 

Instead, he bought another round of shots for everyone and a beer for himself. When he returned they had moved to the edge of the crowd. The band had changed and Blue didn’t seem as excited. He handed out the drinks as Gansey suggested that they move to the next bar. 

The group agreed, following him to a packed bar. They found a table, ordering fries to share. Everyone was laughing and joking as the fries came and Blue poked Ronan in the side. “That guy at the bar has been watching you since we got here.” She said, inclining her head towards the bar top.

Ronan followed her gaze and saw that he was being watched by a zombie hunter. The man was attractive, lean and tall, with a wicked fake scar down the side of his face. He smiled as Ronan looked at him, standing and walking over to them. Ronan tensed.

“I wouldn’t mind having my brains eaten by you.” The man said, grinning and winking at Ronan as he reached their table.

Ronan knew he was red. He could feel the tips of his ears and his neck burning. He could never handle guys hitting on him. He couldn’t tell how they knew he was gay. It flustered him. And he was awful at flirting. 

When he didn’t respond Blue jumped in, “That blank look is Ronan’s way of saying thanks.” She said, jabbing him in the ribs and nodding her head to him. 

The guy quickly smiled at her before turning his attention back to Ronan. “It’s alright, if he was this sexy and then smooth on top of it, I wouldn’t be able to keep up.” Ronan felt himself grow more red, which he hadn’t thought was possible. His friends were all grinning at him, clearly enjoying his discomfort. He couldn’t bring himself to look at Adam. 

“Uh, thanks?” Ronan finally said. He was gripping his beer tightly, wanting the interaction to be over.

“Can I buy you a drink?” The guy asked.

“I’m good. I’m just out with my friends.” Ronan finally got a full sentence out and it was hostile enough that Gansey shook his head, disappointed. 

The man didn’t seem deterred. He grabbed a napkin and wrote something on it before placing in it the pocket of Ronan’s scrubs. “Well, call me sometime. When you’re not with your friends.” He smiled at Ronan again then turned, evaporating into the crowd.

Ronan looked at the napkin. Mark and a phone number. He shoved it back in his pocket.

When he looked up everyone was looking at him,  a variety of expressions on their faces. Blue and Gansey looked disappointed. Noah looked amused. Henry was rolling his eyes and Adam, Adam’s face was blank. It was one of the annoying things about Adam, he was skilled in making his face slip into an expressionless mask. Ronan looked away from him, biting back an explanation that he wasn’t sure made sense. 

“Your flirting is pitiful.” Blue said, shaking her head. “You should have let him buy you a drink!”

“Why? I wasn’t interested.” Ronan said into his beer. He finished it and pulled out his flask. 

“Ronan, you can’t spend the rest of your life with just us.” Gansey added. “At some point you need to talk to other people.”

“No.” Ronan said, feeling tense and annoyed. He wanted to talk to Adam one on one. If they were alone Ronan knew he could read Adam. But with everyone else around Adam would stay guarded and Ronan was stuck feeling guilty when he didn’t do anything wrong. 

“You should practice on Adam.” Henry offered and two pairs of eyes snapped to him. 

Ronan wanted to push him against the wall and ask what the hell he thought he was doing but Noah was laughing and saying, “Yes! That’s a great idea! Do it!”

Gansey nodded. “It’s not a bad plan.”

At that moment Ronan hated all of his friends. He also wanted to melt into the floor. “No.” He repeated, letting an edge creep into his voice and hoping they’re read the tone. 

If they did, everyone ignored it. “Just try, then we’ll leave you alone.” Blue said, putting a hand on his arm. “You know we won’t until you do.”

He gave her his best annoyed look and she just crossed her eyes back at him, unaffected. He sighed. “This is stupid.” 

“Not as stupid as that flirting was.” Noah quipped. When Ronan glared at him he just shrugged. “I’m not wrong.”

Adam finally spoke. “Just do it so they shut up.” Ronan looked at him. Adam was tearing apart a napkin, not meeting his eyes. 

“Fine.” He said, giving in to make this literal nightmare end. “Come here often?” He asked Adam, which resulted in a collective groan from the group.

“How are you so fucking bad at this?” Noah asked. “Here I’ll show you.” He turned to Henry, leaning in slightly. “Hiya stud, I love how your big muscles look in that shirt. You can flex for me anytime.” He punctuated his words by running a finger over Henry’s arm and winking. He turned back to Ronan, “See?”

“No, that was just weird. For everyone.” Ronan told him and Noah scoffed, pretending to be insulted. 

“Try a compliment.” Blue suggested. 

A gruff noise escaped Ronan’s throat. He wanted this to end but knew it wouldn’t until his friends were happy. “Okay.” He spat out, turning again to Adam. “I like your eyes.” 

“Why?” Blue prompted, looking eager. 

Ronan looked at her and she nodding, encouraging him. “I like the blue in them, mixed with green on the edge. They make me remember the farm, laying in the grass and staring up at the sky. They calm me down, they’re peaceful.” 

He watched a blush spread on Adam’s cheek while his friends started clapping. “See? Flirt like that, you’ll totally get the guy!” Noah said, slapping him on the back. 

“He’s right, you will.” Henry added knowingly. Ronan wanted to strangle him. 

“Can we talk about anything else now?” He asked and, thankfully, the group compiled. They finished their food before heading to the next bar. Adam kept stealing glances at Ronan but Ronan was avoiding him, too embarrassed to talk. He hadn’t meant to say that about his eyes but once he started it just spilled out. 

The rest of the night passed without events, Noah and Gansey got extremely drunk and the group left early to take care of them. Ronan slipped away once they got back to the dorms, not wanting to be around people anymore. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My state has a HUGE zombie pub crawl every year (we hold the Guinness book of world records title for it, so that's a thing). IDK how well known they are in other places. 
> 
> Thanks for all the awesome comments! I'm glad people like this!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’m a demon, I don’t need to be handsome.”
> 
> Adam dipped his fingers in the black before looking at him. “But all the best demons are.”

Ronan was reluctantly getting ready for a Halloween party. He didn’t want to go, it was a party at one of the fraternities on campus. Drunk frat boys who are trying to impress drunk sorority girls. Fantastic. But Gansey was insisting they all go. And that they dress up. 

Ronan was dressed as a demon. Basically, his normal outfit plus horns. He had been trying to convince Adam to go as an angel but it hadn’t worked, Adam just rolled his eyes whenever Ronan mentioned it. 

He adjusted his horns once more before falling onto the couch with a book. Adam was swinging by to pick him up and they were walking over together. 

It wasn’t long until he heard a knock. He opened the door, behind it was Adam wearing a shirt with the word ‘life’ scrawled on the front. 

“What are you supposed to be?” Ronan asked. Adam silently pulled a lemon from his bag and handed it to Ronan, who grinned. “Clever.”

Adam smiled, “I thought so.”  He surveyed Ronan’s costume disapprovingly. “Is that it?”

“That coming from the guy in the pun costume?” 

Adam shook his head, grabbing Ronan’s hand. “You need some make up.”

“Make up?” He asked as Adam started looking around his bathroom.

“Make up,” Adam confirmed. “Where’s the stuff Blue left here after homecoming?”

Ronan pointed to a drawer and Adam opened it. “I don’t need makeup.”

Adam made an ‘aha’ noise as he found what he was looking for, a small palette of leftover makeup that Ronan had forgotten about. He stood, surveying Ronan. “But you’ll be so handsome after.” He said, opening the pack.

Ronan tried not to react to Adam’s comment. In lieu of blushing he growled, “I’m a demon, I don’t need to be handsome.” 

Adam dipped his fingers in the black before looking at him. “But all the best demons are.” He paused, waiting for Ronan to agree before starting. He gave a sharp nod, knowing that he wasn’t going to argue with whatever Adam wanted. 

“Good choice.” Adam smiled and started swirling makeup onto Ronan’s eyes, making him close them for much of it. He tried not to lean in to Adam’s touch.  They hadn’t talked about what Ronan had said at the pub crawl, both silently agreeing to ignore it. 

Ronan also hadn’t talked to Henry yet. Someone else might say that Ronan was avoiding it but Ronan was just waiting until the right time. Which might be never. He didn’t want to listen to Henry’s crowing about his crush or trying to hold it over him. 

“Done.” Adam said after a while. Ronan opened his eyes and Adam was close, Ronan would only need to move a few inches to kiss him. Adam seemed to realize the same thing and he moved back a little, the tips of his ears red. Ronan forced himself to look at Adam’s eyes and not at his parted lips. “Looks pretty good, if I do say so myself.” Adam brought his hand up, making one more small change, his fingers pausing on Ronan’s skin. “Go look.”

Ronan turned to the mirror, immediately impressed. Adam had done simple reds and blacks around his eyes, tapering off into a fine point. He looked dangerous and, he had to admit, a little sexy. He was surprised how much he liked it. Ronan nodded to Adam. “Thanks.”

Adam was looking at Ronan but acting like he wasn’t, clearly pleased with his handiwork. “You make a very handsome demon.” He said quietly, moving to wash his hands. Ronan didn’t know how to respond so he just grunted and said that they should leave. 

They arrived at the party and started looking for their friends. It was in full swing, people making out and singing off key karaoke. Ronan was already ready to leave. They found Noah quickly, he was dressed as a ghost but his sheet draped over his arm as he made out with some girl. Blue and Gansey waved at them, dressed as Brad and Janet from Rocky Horror Picture Show, Blue in the slip and Gansey looking strange as the disheveled Brad.

They waved Adam and Ronan over, Blue looking a little drunk. “Punch is thataway!” She said, enthusiastically pointing with her cup. 

Gansey looked at Adam, briefly touching Adam’s arm and saying quietly, “Mark is here. Thought you’d want to know.” He watched for Adam’s reaction. 

“That dick, let me at him.” Blue said, spinning around and looking for him.

Ronan glanced at Adam. His eyes closed and he took a deep breath. Mark was a guy Adam dated freshman year until he found him in bed with someone else. He had been Adam’s first boyfriend and Adam was shattered. It had taken him a long time to get over it and he finally was, but he still hated seeing Mark. He always tried to talk to Adam, to apologize for what he had done and try to get back together. Adam would stiffen, unable to leave but hating the conversation. The friends tried to keep them apart, which was difficult on their small campus. 

“Fantastic.” He whispered, eyes still closed. 

“Do you want to go?” Ronan asked, his hand on Adam’s forearm.

Adam shook his head, opening his eyes and looking around fiercely. “No, I want a drink. Or three.”

Ronan nodded. “We’ll find you two later.” He told Blue and Gansey, following Adam to the kitchen. Adam grabbed two cups, filling them with beer and drinking deeply before handing Ronan the second one. 

“Are you okay?” It always unnerved Ronan to see Adam like this, he was normally so contained but around Mark he became unstable, uncertain. 

Adam finished his beer and nodded, filling it again. “I’ll be fine. Let’s go mingle.”

They walked around, saying hi to people they knew and avoiding people they knew and didn’t like. “I hate college parties.” Ronan commented as they dodged someone who was dry heaving.

Adam laughed, “It’s the best time of our lives, remember?”

“How could I forget?” He grumbled. He chanced a look at Adam. He seemed to be doing a little better, the alcohol helping him relax. His eyes swept every room that they walked in to and he relaxed when it was free from Mark. 

They ran into Henry and Noah, who convinced them to play beer pong. Adam wasn’t bad but Ronan was terrible. He was also distracted by Adam’s laugh, a little too loud because of the alcohol but earnest and happy. Adam kept putting a hand on Ronan’s, patting it reassuringly as he missed another throw. Or he would lean in and whisper not-so quietly in Ronan’s ear, ‘it’s okay, next time’. He wasn’t complaining but it didn’t help his game. He didn’t need any more distractions. 

Unsurprisingly, Henry and Noah were good. Nearly all of their throws made it into the cups and Ronan was grateful that he had trained his liver for years. He insisted on taking most of the drinks since Adam already looked drunk. He rarely drank, hating the feeling of losing self control. 

“Wow, I’m just going to start drinking some of these so it’s less sad.” Noah said as he landed another one. They had two cups left, Noah and Henry had seven. Noah and Henry cheers’ed and each drank a cup. 

“There, now you only look like you kinda suck.” Henry said, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand and smirking at them. Ronan knew that he had noticed Adam’s touches and whispers, he kept giving Ronan meaningful looks. Ronan wanted to punch him as he threw another knowing glance at Ronan when Adam’s head found his shoulder, leaning into him. 

“Ha ha.” Ronan said. “You’re hilarious.” He noticed that Adam had gone stiff. “What’s wrong?” He asked, looking at Adam with concern. 

“Mark is over there.” He said, stiffly jerking his head. Ronan resisted the urge to stride over and handle the problem his way. He knew that Adam would hate it. 

Instead he said, “Well let’s go then.” Adam quickly nodded. Ronan turned to the others. “We’re out, you two win.” 

Noah and Henry protested as they walked away, going to a dimly lit room where old scary movies were playing.

“It’s dark in here, should be okay. He won’t see you.” Ronan said, leaning against the back wall of the room. Adam leaned next to him, shoulders touching.

“Okay.” Adam said, clearly unhappy. He kept glancing at the door and taking sips from his cup. 

Ronan grabbed his hand, giving it a quick squeeze. He could feel the anxiety radiating off Adam and still didn’t understand why they didn’t just leave. Adam didn’t seem to be enjoying himself.  But that was Adam, somehow leaving meant that he lost. Even if he wasn’t having fun he couldn’t let himself leave just because Mark was there. It would mean that Mark still had a hold over him and Adam would never admit that. 

They watched the movie for a bit, seeing drunk college kid after drunk college kid get murdered on screen. “This is not the ideal crowd for this movie.” Ronan murmured.

“Cautionary tale.” Adam replied as they watched someone’s head get cut off. 

Ronan sniggered then felt Adam tense next to him. “Mark just walked in.” He whispered to Ronan, his eyes following the other man’s movements. 

“What do you want to do?” Ronan asked, allowing Adam handle the situation how he needed to. 

“Disappear into this wall.” He murmured. Mark was getting closer, Ronan didn’t think they could avoid being seen. He seemed to be looking for someone, Ronan wondered if someone had told him that Adam was there. He glared at the other man, wanting badly to punch his stupidly handsome face. He was so busy trying to start Mark on fire with his mind that he missed Adam saying something.

“What?” He asked harshly. 

“Kiss me.” 

Ronan turned to Adam, certain he had misheard. “What?” 

“Just, kiss me, for a second. Then he won’t see me. Or he’ll think I’m with you.” Adam’s eyes turned to Ronan, bright and wild. “Please?” He asked desperately. 

“Are you sure?” He questioned. 

Adam nodded quickly, eyes darting to Mark. “Yes.” 

Ronan swallowed and gave a quick nod. Adam immediately grabbed his shirt and pulled Ronan over him, their chests bumping. Ronan looked from Adam’s eyes to his lips, Adam doing the same before putting a hand behind Ronan’s head and pulling him close. “Is this okay?” Adam asked. Ronan could feel the words on his lips.

“Yes.” He breathed before feeling Adam’s lips covering his. It was messy, Ronan’s head was tilted wrong and Adam came in too quickly. But they adjusted, Adam’s lips moving to cover Ronan’s, pressing firmly against his. Ronan’s hands were on either side of Adam’s head, holding himself carefully over Adam, trying not to touch more than necessary. Adam wasn’t as concerned about that as Ronan, his hands moved to Ronan’s waist and pulled their hips together, the impact nearly making Ronan groan.

This was far from Ronan’s first kiss but in many ways it felt like it was. Adam’s lips against his felt different than anyone else’s-softer, better. Ronan’s heart was beating rapidly and he knew this was the beginning of the end. He was already thinking about having Adam under him, doing this and much more. He desperately wanted all of Adam. 

While he thought about all that Adam’s tongue pressed to his lips, trying to deepen the kiss. ‘In for a penny, in for a pound’ Ronan thought as he parted his lips. Their tongues tangled around each other, tasting and exploring.

Adam’s hands spread on Ronan’s hips, covering more skin with his fingers, his thumbs under Ronan’s shirt and on his bare skin. Everywhere Adam touched felt like it was on fire. His hands curled into the wall as he stopped himself from grinding into Adam.  He forgot about everything else in the room, the drunk people, the movie, Mark, it didn’t matter. All that mattered was Adam’s lips and how they moved against his. 

Unfortunately, thinking about Mark jarred him back to reality. He broke the kiss, taking a deep breath before speaking. “He’s probably gone by now.” He explained, looking at Adam’s confused expression. His lips were puffy and slightly bruised and he was bright red. He looked gorgeous and Ronan wanted to dive back in. But this wasn’t the way it should go. He needed to know if this was just a distraction kiss or a real one.

Adam didn’t speak and Ronan tensed, moving back. “Mark. I think he left.” He explained. Adam still didn’t respond, his expression flustered and his eyes darted around, probably looking for Mark, checking if he had seen and what he thought. 

Ronan read the signs loud and clear. This was a distraction kiss, or one meant to make Mark jealous. Ronan was just there when Adam needed a body. 

He felt disappointment sweep through him, he needed to leave. 

“So, we’re good.” He added. Adam just nodded. Ronan waited another beat but Adam still didn’t speak. “I’m going to find the others.” He said, unable to take the mute Adam. Another nod. 

Ronan didn’t look for his friends, only for the door. He escaped, returning to his dorm where he fell onto his bed, not bothering to wash the makeup off before he fell asleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to find a picture of what Ronan's make up looked like in my mind but couldn't. This is the closest thing I found [A handsome demon](https://www.pinterest.com/pin/215469163394452770/?lp=true) (also I realize that the make up is probably overshadowed by other events. So)


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So he did the next best thing- he showed up drunk off his ass, with a full flask in his pocket.

Ronan successfully avoided Adam for all of 9 hours, until he went to breakfast the next morning. He went earlier than usual, hoping to eat alone, but as he sat down Adam immediately plunked down across from him, his tray obnoxiously full. Ronan vaguely wondered if Adam had been waiting for him, but decided that that was probably assuming too much. 

“Hey Ronan.” Adam said, his sandy hair falling into his eyes. Ronan watched him, trying to figure out what Adam was thinking, how he felt about last night. Adam wasn’t quite meeting his eyes, which probably meant he was nervous. He opened his mouth, almost starting another sentence, but then quickly shut it. Ronan decided that he would just have to wait and see if Adam decided to bring it up because he sure as hell wasn’t going to. 

“What are you doing here?” He asked gruffly. Adam rarely ate breakfast, he was on the cheapest meal plan the school offered and usually saved them for dinner. Gansey or Ronan would try to bring him food, leaving it on his desk. Ronan joked that they were like forest elves, leaving food for a wood sprite and Adam just shook his head, telling him that was an odd analogy to make. 

Adam shrugged, “Woke up hungry.” He started tearing into his eggs, not looking Ronan. He was lying and Ronan knew it. Adam knew that Ronan came to breakfast early on weekends because of a combination of his inability to sleep and his desire to eat before all the hungover people. That was one of the difficult things about them knowing each other so well, it wasn’t easy for either of them to lie to the other. 

But fine, Ronan thought, if Adam wanted to pretend that nothing happened Ronan could do the same. They ate quietly, both focused on their own plates, not looking at each other. Until the end of the mean when Adam spoke up. “You disappeared last night. I looked for you.” 

Ronan choked on his coffee, surprised that that was what Adam wanted to address. “I got tired.” He replied. It wasn’t a total lie, but it also wasn’t the only reason he left and Adam probably knew it. 

Adam nodded, finally looking at him. It was one of the rare times Ronan couldn’t read his expression and it annoyed him. If he had to guess Adam looked annoyed or sad but neither of those made sense to Ronan. “Me too.” Adam replied, still watching him. “I left pretty quick after you.” 

“Good for you.” Ronan said brusquely, picking up his tray. He didn’t want to talk to Adam now. Or ever.  What he really wanted was to go back in time and tell Adam not to kiss him, or maybe to drag him outside instead of going into that dark room. If they hadn’t gone into that stupid fucking room none of this would have happened. Ronan could have gone on denying his feelings and nothing would have changed. Now they were in this shitty limbo and Ronan could feel it. He already hated the awkwardness that was settling in over them. 

“Are you still coming tomorrow?” Adam asked as he stood to leave. Tomorrow was actually Halloween, they were all going to watch scary movies in Adam and Gansey’s room and eat a ridiculous amount of candy. Ronan had been looking forward to it.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” He replied, testing to see if Adam would actually admit that something was off between them. 

He didn’t. 

“No reason.” Adam said. 

Ronan left, glancing over his shoulder to see Adam pull out a book. He tried to ignore the growing anxiety in his chest. This wasn’t over. He knew Adam, knew he’d want to talk about it at some point, to analyze what happened, if not with Ronan than with someone else. Ronan couldn’t decide which option would be worse. 

But he still hadn’t decided what to say to Adam. He needed to know how he felt before Ronan could respond- did he regret it? Was it disgusting? Could they go back to normal? Ronan didn’t let himself think of the possibility that Adam had liked it too, it felt too strange and remote to be possible. 

His Sunday was lonely. Normally Adam came over, sitting on his floor to do homework until Ronan pestered him into watching TV or playing video games. Today though, he didn’t want to see anyone. And he got his wish. He got a few texts, Gansey inviting him to dinner and  Henry asking about playing a board game, but he ignored them. He knew he needed to talk to Henry but he wasn’t sure what to say, he debated who he wanted to talk to less- Henry or Adam. It was a real Sophie’s choice. 

He knew the quiet wouldn’t last. Blue showed up the next morning to walk to class with him, like always. She gave him a quick glance over, “You’re looking saltier than usual.” She commented as he locked his dorm.

“Shut up Sargent.” 

“You’re proving my point.” She swung her bag over her shoulder and they started walking. “What happened to you at the party? Gansey and I were looking for you, you missed Noah’s drunk karaoke.” 

“The party sucked so I left.” He said flatly. 

She huffed at him. Blue could always tell when he was holding something back. And usually she bugged him until he told her what it was. He needed to head it off. So he lied. “Declan called and was a dick. I’m tired of him.” 

She nodded, accepting what he said. Declan was enough of a sore spot that he knew Blue wouldn’t ask more questions. Ronan almost never lied, it was against his nature but since he had already broken his unspoken rule about not kissing his best friend he figured to hell with it. 

Ronan debated all day about going to Adam & Gansey’s dorm. He almost didn’t but he knew that if he didn’t show they’d come get him and everyone would demand to know why he was late. That would be even worse. 

So he did the next best thing- he showed up drunk off his ass, with a full flask in his pocket. The others were already settled in, picking out the first movie. 

“Jesus Ronan, you smell like varnish.” Noah said, wrinkling his nose as he walked by. 

“Fuck off.” Ronan replied, falling onto his spot on the couch, next to Adam. A spot he normally loved but right now he’d rather be in a train car with Delcan. 

Gansey gave him a disapproving look. “It’s only Monday. And 4pm. What are you doing?” 

Ronan’s reply was a select finger and a deep drink from his flask. Gansey huffed and turned away, putting the movie in and settling next to Blue in a lovesac. 

Ronan was trying to ignore the set of big eyes that were on him but it proved impossible. “What?” He grumbled to Adam after a few minutes. 

“Why are you drunk?” Adam asked, the disappointment and frustration clear in his voice. 

“Because it’s Monday.” He replied, scooting closer to the couch arm, trying to not touch Adam at all. It was futile. The couch wasn’t big enough. Their thighs were pressed together and he could feel Adam ever time he moved. 

Adam’s eyes narrowed. “That’s the answer of an alcoholic.” His tone was tense. Ronan knew that Adam felt strongly about his drinking, given his dad, but he didn’t need a babysitter. 

“I’m fine. I’m in college. You’re supposed to get drunk. It’s the fucking point.”

Adam didn’t say anything else but kept watching Ronan, who only got more annoyed as the night went on and he ran out of alcohol. He tried to convince Gansey to share his stash but he refused. 

The first movie finished and Ronan stood up quickly, which was a mistake. He stumbled a little and Adam leapt up, grabbing his arm.

“I think we should get you home.” Adam told him quietly, everyone else nodded. Ronan had stopped doing shit like this by the end of freshman year, he could feel the disapproval rolling off of everyone now and he didn’t care. 

Ronan wrenched his arm back, “I don’t need your help.” 

Adam looked hurt but let Ronan walk out of the room, following closely behind him. “Go back to your movie night.” He snarled as the door closed. He didn’t want to be alone with Adam. This was the worst possible outcome. He could feel how concerned he was, and how much he wanted to reach out and say something but Ronan wasn’t in the mood. He was drunk and surly, wanting to be left alone. 

Adam sighed. “Let me walk you back to your dorm. I don’t want to wake up to a text about a student who froze to death.”

“It’s not cold enough to freeze to death.” Ronan snapped but as he started walking Adam followed behind him.

Once they were outside Adam spoke again. “Do you want to talk about the party?” 

“Do you?” Ronan asked, glancing over at Adam and finding another unreadable expression on his face. He didn’t want to fucking talk about it. He didn’t need to hear Adam’s rejection. 

Adam threw his hands up, clearly done with Ronan’s attitude. “I’m sorry I made you kiss me. It was a bad idea. But, fuck, whenever Mark is around part of me goes crazy.” He ran a hand through his hair, clearly agitated. “I hate it. I hate myself for it. But it happens every fucking time. I was so wound up I didn’t even thank you for helping me all night.” He pause, giving Ronan a small smile. “But I didn’t…” He stopped and Ronan paused, looking over at him. Adam was flustered, not something that Ronan often saw. He could tell that Adam was upset. The next sentence was quieter, softer. 

“I didn’t mean to ruin things between us.” 

“You didn’t, we’re fine.” Ronan replied. He didn’t know what else to say. He wanted to tell Adam that the only thing he ruined was Ronan’s chance at ever being happy with someone else. He ruined Ronan’s lips for any other man. He ruined Ronan, who couldn’t stop replaying the kiss and it’s aftermath in his mind. 

But Ronan wasn’t about to say any of that. 

“Doesn’t feel fine.” Adam mumbled, turning away from Ronan and going back to his dorm.

Ronan nearly turned around. He wanted to tell Adam that no, it wasn’t fine. Adam had kissed him and made Ronan’s heart pound and palms sweat and now they had to go back to being friends. How was Ronan supposed to be okay with that? How was he supposed to be fine?

But he didn’t, he couldn’t. He started walking, eventually making it back to his dorm where he collapsed on the bed and fell asleep. 

He woke up the next day to someone eating next to him. Ronan didn’t have a morning class on Tuesdays and he normally slept in. Today though, he was lucky enough to be woken up by Henry, eating a bag of chip on his bed. 

“Get the fuck off my bed, you’re getting crumbs everywhere.” He said, shoving Henry before sitting up. 

“Such a fucking morning person.” Henry said, compiling with his request. He wiped his fingers on his pants and stood, looking at Ronan. “What the fuck happened between you and Adam? He came back last night looking like you killed his puppy.” 

“I don’t have to answer to someone who broke into my dorm.” Ronan said, standing and pulling on a shirt and pants. 

Henry sat down on Ronan’s desk, watching him. “No you don’t, but it's the only way to get rid of me. And you need to talk to someone.”

“Fuck off, no I don’t.” Ronan grabbed a breakfast bar, tearing it open as he glared at Henry.

Who shrugged. “Fine Lynch. I guess I’m your new roommate now.” He picked up one of Ronan’s books and began thumbing through it. “We’re going to need to redecorate. Your taste sucks.” 

Ronan made a move to grab the book but Henry was faster than him, moving it out of reach. “Did you have a lover’s quarrel?” He asked once Ronan gave up.

He fought a blush and snarled, “We’re not lovers.”

“Is that why you quarreled?” Henry asked. He stood and took one of Ronan’s breakfast bars. 

“We didn’t quarrel. I’m not some 16th century maiden.” He snapped.

“What did happen then?” Henry was tearing off small pieces of the bar and eating them. He looked like he was enjoying Ronan’s discomfort. 

Ronan glared at him, hoping that Henry would get the hint and fuck off. He just wiggled his fingers at Ronan. “Fine.” Ronan’s jaw tightened. “Fuck it. We kissed. Happy now?”

Henry’s eyebrows shot up. “Delighted! Was it a bad kiss? Is that why you’re fighting?”

“No. We’re fighting because Adam only kissed me to avoid his ex.” Ronan admitted it only because he knew Henry would make good on his promise to move in otherwise. 

Henry nodded in a patronizing way that made Ronan frown. “I’m sure that the only reason. Have you talked to him about it?” Ronan gave a half hearted shrug and Henry rolled his eyes. “I can’t believe the two most pigheaded people on the planet found each other and fell in love.” He sighed. “You need to talk to him. It’s the only way to fix this.”

Henry grabbed another bar and Ronan snatched it from his hands. “I didn’t asked for your advice.” 

Henry smiled. “No, that was just a perk of my lovely company.” He cracked his neck and walked to the door. “Lynch, just talk to Parrish. It’s the only way.” He slipped through the door and Ronan fell back onto his bed, pissed and tired. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You didn't think they'd actually talk, did you? Our boys?


	7. Chapter 7

Things slowly got back to a semi normal state between Adam and Ronan, both being too busy with classes and work to argue. Ronan ignored Henry’s advice, deciding that it was as stupid as the man himself. 

It was almost a month later and they were back in their routine, Adam coming over and studying in Ronan’s room, the two sitting on his bed and watching TV late into the night. Only now there was more space between them. Ronan wasn’t sure if he was doing it or if Adam was but there were always a few more inches between them, fewer accidental touches and a more careful approach to where hands went, what they touched.

Ronan hated it but he read the message loud and clear. Adam didn’t want to be with Ronan and he could respect that. 

It was fine. It was close to normal. If things still felt a little stiff or strained both did their best to ignore it and pretend that the lingering oddness didn’t exist. 

And things probably would have gone completely back to normal, with enough time and distance. But that wasn’t how Ronan’s life worked. The group was going on a ski trip over Thanksgiving break, all of them staying together in a small cabin. 

Adam had tried to get out of it, claiming he had papers to write and tests to study for. Gansey’s only response was that there was wifi at the cabin and that he had promised. Ans since Adam didn’t break promises the group was now spilling out of the van, it had been a four hour drive where Adam had furiously made flashcards the whole time. Ronan had slept. Or pretended to sleep. He rolled his shoulders and followed everyone else into the cabin. 

“Bunk beds!” Noah said, flying into one of the rooms. “I call top!” 

“No surprise there.” Henry said, following Noah into the room and throwing his stuff on the bottom bunk.

Ronan looked at the other two rooms, both had queen beds. “Gansey, what the fuck?” He asked, gesturing to the rooms. It was supposed to be two rooms with bunk beds and one with a queen. Not the other way around.

Gansey peered into both. “Oh! Well,  I’m sure we can fix that. I’ll call them now.” He picked up his phone. “Don’t get too comfortable, we’ll probably be moving to a different space.” He called. Noah was already flopped on the couch, channel surfing.

Ronan sat at the breakfast bar, hoping that Gansey could pull some strings and get them moved. Sharing a room with Adam was bad enough, sharing a bed would be impossible. 

Twenty minutes  and several calls later it was clear that all the other cabins were booked and they had no other options. Gansey looked apologetically at them, “We can get you more pillows? And I got us a free meal!”

“Great.” Ronan grumbled, throwing his bag into their room. 

Adam hadn’t said anything, just watching as Gansey called and Ronan sulked. Now he followed Ronan into the room. “I can sleep on the couch.” He offered. 

“Don’t be stupid.” Ronan grumbled. “We’ll just build a pillow wall. It’s fine.” 

Adam turned to him, jaw tight. “Is it?” It was the closest that they had come to talking about the kiss since nearly a month ago. 

“Why wouldn’t it be?” Ronan replied, turning and leaving the room. He wasn’t about to start his vacation with this conversation. Adam stayed in the room. “Are we going to ski or just sit around here all day?” He asked, entering the common space. They had been there five minutes and he was already itching to get out of the small space. He was going to kill Gansey for messing up their reservation. 

“Let’s go!” Noah jumped up, grabbing his snowboard. He and Ronan brought snowboards, everyone else had skis. It was Adam’s first time downhilling skiing and Henry was excited to teach him. Ronan ignored his unease about Henry and Adam being alone. He hoped that if Adam didn’t want to talk to him he wouldn’t be more likely to talk to Henry. 

The group separated, going to different courses, which Ronan was fine with. He wanted to think about something else for a while. He had a good time with Noah, both of them doing more and more idiotic stunts until Noah finally split his lip open, bleeding all over the white snow. They decided to head back to the main lodge and get some cocoa and food.

Noah was busy getting his lip patched and Ronan fell into one of the chairs, watching other people. He spotted Adam as he wandered in, looking tired. He saw Ronan and hesitated for a minute before coming over.

“Hey.” He said, falling into the chair by Ronan. 

“Hey.” He replied. “How was skiing?” 

“I’m sore.” Adam replied, laughing lightly. “But it was fun. Henry didn’t leave my side. I might do some cross country tomorrow and let him go somewhere besides the bunny hill.” 

Ronan smiled without meaning to, happy that Adam was enjoying himself. “You might not want to move tomorrow. If you’re sore now tomorrow will only be worse.”

Adam leaned back into the chair, his head falling back and exposing his Adam’s apple. An unbidden thought that Ronan wanted to lick it came to his mind. He shook his head as Adam groaned slightly. “Maybe I’ll just read in the cabin alone.”

“That sounds like a recipe for getting murdered.” Ronan replied. “You just need a massage. Someone can work on your legs and you’ll be fine.” 

Adam opened one eye. “Are you offering?” 

Ronan felt his cheeks flush slightly. “No.” 

Adam’s eyes shut again and he didn’t say anything. It looked like he had fallen asleep. Ronan let himself watch him for a minute then torn his eyes away, not letting himself indulge in staring any longer. It wouldn’t get him anywhere- like his whole crush it wasn’t a good idea to indulge in anything with Adam. Ronan had to keep reminding himself.

Eventually, Gansey found them. “We need to get dinner started.” He said, perching on the arm of Ronan’s chair. “I’ve got to find Blue and Henry. Will you and Adam get started?” 

“I’ll find Blue.” Ronan quickly offered, glancing at the sleeping Adam. 

But Gansey was already walking away. “Don’t worry about it!” He called over his shoulder.

Shit. Ronan looked at Adam, who was definitely sleeping. He briefly thought about letting him sleep but didn’t want Adam to wake up alone. 

He stood and gently shook Adam’s shoulder. Adam woke quickly, instinctively curling away from Ronan’s hand. His eyes flung up and his hands went up, ready to protect himself.  It broke Ronan’s heart, the damage that Adam’s dad had permanently done. 

He gave Adam a second to wake up before saying, “Hey, it’s okay. It’s me.” He kept his voice low, not wanting to embarrass Adam, knowing that drawing any attention to it would only frustrate Adam. 

Adam relaxed as he saw Ronan and Ronan’s heart leap into his chest. Adam wasn’t relaxed around many people. It made Ronan happy to know that, even as messy as things were between them, that Adam still trusted him. 

“Hey, I fell asleep?” Adam asked, squeezing his eyes open and shut. 

“You did.” He moved back to let Adam stand and stretch. “Gansey wants us to make dinner.” 

Adam nodded and they put on their coats before heading back to the cabin. Ronan was nervous, being alone with Adam for a potentially long time. Being nervous made him short tempered. Adam seemed just as nervous, glancing furitivetly at Ronan but mostly walking in silence. Ronan resisted the urge to snap at him to take a damn picture. He instead crossed his arms, staring straight ahead and refusing to make conversation. 

“What are we supposed to make?” Adam asked as they shed their clothes after entering the cabin. 

“Tacos. I think.” Ronan said, looking Gansey’s food plan on the fridge. 

Adam nodded, “I’ll cut everything up, if you want to make the meat?” 

“Fine.” 

Ronan started to collect the ingredients, feeling his annoyance mount. The kitchen was small and it was impossible for the two not to bump into each other. Ronan would turn and Adam would be behind him, or Adam would need something near him. Ronan felt his teeth set on edge, trying not to accidentally touch him. Adam seemed to be doing the same thing but Ronan was too far in his own head to appreciate the effort. 

He watched as Adam licked his bottom lip, unable to tear his eyes away from Adam’s tongue. Every time they bumped Ronan thought about that night, pressed against Adam, kissing him. He wanted to push Adam against the counter, wrap his arms around him and kiss him again. The image kept coming to his mind, rewinding and playing over and over, distracting him. 

“Fuck!” Ronan exclaimed as hot grease splattered across the back of his hand. He had been trying to stir the meat while avoiding Adam’s chopping space. He jerked it back and examined his hand.

Adam appeared at his shoulder, peering over it. “Here, run cold water on it.” He said, grabbing Ronan’s hand and leading him to the sink. He pushed it under the cold water, keeping his long fingers wrapped around Ronan’s wrist. Ronan desperately hoped he couldn’t tell that his heart rate had increased. Adam was pressed to his side and Ronan could feel himself getting warm. 

“Is that better?” Adam asked quietly after a minute.

Ronan nodded. “Thanks.” 

Adam turned off the water and looked at Ronan, clearly wanting to say something. “Spit it out Parrish.” Ronan said after a beat passed. 

“I’m sorry. About the party.” He finally said. “I don’t like that things are weird between us.” 

Ronan’s jaw tightened. He still didn’t want to talk about this. Ever. But he missed Adam. He wanted his friend back, even if that’s all they would ever be. 

He bit back his initial response and instead nodded. “Me too.” Adam’s surprise registered on his face. “We’re cool though. It’s fine.”

Adam seemed to accept his words, nodding. “Good.” He glanced at the vegetables. “Because I have no idea how to cut up at tomato.” 

Ronan laughed. “I’ve got it,” He moved to the cutting board, making a big show of how easy it was to cut the tomato, Adam playfully hitting his shoulder. Not flirting, Ronan reminded himself. This wasn’t flirting. Adam kept not flirting with him as they continued, laughing at Ronan’s terrible jokes and making a big show of cutting the second tomato exactly how Ronan cut the first. 

By the time the others got back everything was ready, all the veggies on a large plates, shells warmed and meat cooked. Adam and Ronan had even managed not to start a food fight, despite him throwing several olives at Adam.

“Look at you two, playing nice.” Henry said, smiling at Ronan. Ronan glared at him, telling him to shut up with his eyes. 

Adam nodded. “It happens. Occasionally.” 

The group sat down to eat, everyone telling their stories from the day, bragging about the jumps they made and how much air they got. Ronan noticed that Adam looked stiff, moving as little as possible as he created his tacos. 

After dinner the group decided to play cards, Henry tried to insist on strip poker but the others convinced him to play other games. 

“I’m heading to bed.” Adam said after a few hours. He stood slowly, Ronan noticed he bit his lip as he did. 

“Me too.” Ronan threw down his cards and followed Adam, stopping to grab water and aspirin. He waited long enough to assume that Adam had changed before walking in. Adam was in bed, reading, his glasses near the bottom of his nose.

“What are you doing here?” Adam asked, looking at him.

Ronan thrust the pills and water at him. “Proving you wrong.” Adam raised an eyebrow as he took the offerings. “You’re sore. Painfully sore.”

Adam made a face then swallowed. “Fine, you were right. Congrats. If you want to gloat I can’t really move so you have a captive audience.” 

“You think so little of me.” Ronan smirked. “I’m just here to help.” Ronan paused, he wanted to offer more but was hesitant, he didn’t know what Adam would think. 

Adam seemed to notice but wasn’t going to help him. “Thank you. Are you going to go back to the others or-” Adam shifted and bit back a groan. “Stay?” 

Ronan watched Adam move uncomfortably and finally asked. “Do you want a massage?” The words fell out his mouth, he didn’t really mean to say them. Especially as he saw Adam’s reaction.

Adam shook his head, his cheeks turning pink. “No, the advil is fine.” Adam said, squeaking slightly. 

Ronan nodded a little too enthusiastically. “Okay, fine, just thought I’d ask.” He gave an awkward wave. “Good night then.” Ronan left quickly, going to the bathroom and banging his head against the wall. He was an idiot. They were friends and nothing more. 


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adam propped himself up on an elbow. “Kissing you. I don’t regret it.”
> 
> “You’re drunk.”
> 
> Adam nodded, then closed his eyes. “Maybe. But the point still stands.”

Ronan woke up the next day facing Adam. Both were surprisingly contained sleepers, they had managed to stay on their sides of the bed. The only part of Adam that was on Ronan’s side was his arm, which was resting on Ronan’s hand. Ronan didn’t want to move. Adam was breathing softly, he could see his eyes fluttering behind his eyelids. He looked peaceful, Ronan could watch him for hours.  

But that was a bad idea. The last thing he needed was Adam waking up and finding him staring.  So he got up, showering before anyone else woke up. He had already made coffee by the time everyone else started stumbling out of bed. Henry gave him a raised eyebrow but didn’t say anything and Ronan ignored how much he wanted to smooth back Adam’s cow lick. 

The week went well. The two were back to comfortable with each other, something Ronan had deeply missed.  He hadn't realized it until they were back to normal. He had missed having Adam next to him, his dry sense of humor and muttered comments. He also missed being close to Adam, having him beside Ronan nearly all the time. 

Ronan knew he was playing with fire but he couldn’t stop the happy buzzing in his chest when Adam laid a head on his shoulder as they watched movies, or when Adam’s hand covered his, trying to stop Ronan from winning air hockey against Blue. They were back to normal, slightly flirty and nearly attached at the hip. Henry kept throwing Ronan glances whenever he saw them together but Ronan ignored him. He was happy and he didn’t need someone making him question it. 

The week flew by and before he knew it, it was Thanksgiving. Blue had requested that they make pizza. No one minded not having a traditional meal- through Noah did insist on pumpkin pie. And Ronan insisted on drinks, his family tradition. The group made their pizzas, all laughing and drinking together. It was a miracle that no one got burned, especially with how small the kitchen was and how chaotic Noah could be. Ronan had a pleasant buzz, Gansey had brought a fancy scotch for the occasion and was pouring everyone generous amounts as they played card games. 

Ronan was trying not to watch Adam but he couldn’t help it. The boy was drunk. Noah had convinced him to play shot roulette earlier and he had, unsurprisingly, lost. Now, he kept laughing too loudly and putting a hand against the wall, trying to steady himself. His eyes were lit up and he looked happy, relaxed. Ronan’s eyes kept finding their way to Adam, wanting to watch his joy. 

Adam noticed him watching and walked over to Ronan. He had been playing a board game with Henry and Blue and was losing badly, distracted by Adam. 

Adam sat down next to him, leaning heavily against Ronan’s side and he had to remind himself to breath. 

“How are you holding up Parrish?” Ronan was also drunk but not nearly as gone as Adam. 

“I’m great.” Adam said, his cheek on Ronan’s shoulder. “Great great great.” He giggled to himself. Ronan was always surprised that Adam was a laughing, happy drunk. He also tended to talk more. His lips loosened with each drink. 

“You seem great.” Ronan’s free hand snaked around Adam’s waist, trying to keep him upright. Adam leaned even more into him, one of his hands falling to Ronan’s thigh. Ronan tensed, wondering if it was an accident. 

His question was answered as Adam’s fingers started moving along his inseam, getting closer and closer to his crotch. He gasped, looking at Adam, who was talking to Blue and ignoring him. Except he wasn’t, his hand was moving closer and closer and Ronan wanted to scream. 

He needed to do something before this became a problem. “I think you need to go to sleep.” He told Adam, who looked at him, wide eyed. The picture of innocence. Ronan turned to the others, “Henry was going to win next turn anyway.” 

He ignored Blue as she argued with him, saying she was also close to winning. Henry looked at him, “Taking Adam to bed?” He asked, watching both of them.

Ronan fought a flush. “Helping him. So he can sleep.” He said, glaring at Henry. 

“Ronan is just helping me, to bed, me and Ronan, in bed.” Adam said, pointing shakily at Henry. 

“Not helping.” He said as he pulled Adam up, ignoring Henry’s smirk. Adam leaned into him heavily and Ronan tried to ignore how it felt, having Adam so close.

He laid Adam in the bed as gently as he could. He didn’t bother trying to get Adam into his pajamas, it wasn’t worth it.  “You’ll feel like shit tomorrow but at least you didn’t throw up in front of everyone.” He stood and started walking to the door. Adam’s eyes were already closed. 

“I don’t regret it.” Adam said, quietly enough that Ronan was sure he misheard.

He paused, hand on the door. “What?” 

Adam propped himself up on an elbow. “Kissing you. I don’t regret it.”

“You’re drunk.”

Adam nodded, then closed his eyes. “Maybe. But the point still stands.” 

Ronan clenched his hands. He should leave. Adam wasn’t making any sense. This didn’t make sense. “Why are you telling me this?” He finally gritted out, turning back to look at Adam. Except instead of angry he sounded sad, pitiful. He hated it. 

Adam looked at him, his eyes trailing over Ronan. “Fuck Lynch. Isn’t it obvious? Because I want you to stay.” He licked his lips and Ronan’s body acted without permission. He was at the bed before he knew it, standing over Adam, who had sat up on his knees so he was nearly at the same height as Ronan.

“Say it again.” Ronan demanded. Or begged. He wasn’t sure.

“I want you to stay.” Adam repeated and then he acted, closing the distance between them and kissing Ronan fiercely, his hands winding on Ronan’s neck to keep him there.

Not that Ronan was going anywhere. He kissed Adam back with equal passion, opening his mouth as he felt Adam’s tongue against his lips. If he thought the first kiss was good this one was mind blowing. Adam was nearly panting into his mouth and Ronan felt like his nerves were on fire, he wanted to touch Adam everywhere. He settled for pushing himself closer to Adam so they were chest to chest, trying to get more contact. More of Adam. Adam leaned in too, his hands gripping Ronan closer. Ronan carefully put his hands on Adam’s hips, trying to enjoy the kiss and not be overwhelmed. 

Then Adam’s hands moved to Ronan’s shirt and he fell back, pulling Ronan on top of him. He landed on Adam gruffly. “Fuck Parrish, eager much?” He asked, trying to make a joke. He felt like he needed to lighten the mood, to take it down a peg so he could think. But Adam wasn’t having it. 

“Yes.” He replied, taking one of Ronan’s ear lobes between his teeth and pulling slightly. Ronan groaned. “I’ve been wanting to do this for years.” He whispered into Ronan’s ear.  Adam’s hands were under his shirt, roaming over his back. His nails scratched Ronan’s skin, pulling him closer. Adam’s legs were on either side of his hips, rutting into him and Ronan couldn’t resist, he pulsed back, moaning softly as they moved together. The feeling of Adam writhing under him was intoxicating. 

“You’re going to kill me.” Ronan said, his eyes closing as Adam started kissing down his neck, occasionally sucking his flesh.

“Not before we fuck.” Adam whispered and Ronan groaned. Adam’s lips were hot and burning, moving across his skin. He pulled back slightly, propping himself up on one hand. He wanted to slow down, to enjoy all of this.

His other hand moved to Adam’s hip. He marveled at touching Adam’s hip, how the bone felt against his palm, how Adam’s stomach dipped and he could feel him breathing. He slowly pushed his hand under Adam’s shirt, watching Adam’s reaction as he touched flesh. If Adam was moving hot and feverishly Ronan was nothing but cool and collected. He didn’t want to miss a moment of this, of Adam’s lips parting and him arching into the contact. 

Ronan let his hand wander, feeling Adam’s chest and nipples. His chest was wiry hairs and Ronan ran his fingers through them. He played with one of the nipples, making it hard and pebbled under his fingers. Adam closed his eyes and let out a small moan, “God, Ronan.” He whimpered and Ronan discovered he loved every noise Adam made. 

Ronan took that as encouragement and quickly pulled off Adam’s shirt before latching his mouth onto the nipple, licking it. Adam bucked under him and Ronan wanted that feeling again and again. 

He moved to the other nipple as Adam’s hands started moving on him again, running his palms on Ronan’s head. When Ronan released Adam Adam quickly pulled his shirt off and then tugged Ronan back up for a kiss. Their mouths connected and Ronan was again reminded how good these kisses were, how much he wanted them to never end. Adam was pushing against him and Ronan could feel how hard they both were, clothed erections straining to be closer. 

Adam’s hand moved to his pants, fumbling briefly with his button before sliding his hand inside. He wasted no time in grabbing Ronan and he gasped as Adam’s hand wrapped around him. He broke the kiss and buried his head in Adam’s shoulder, too worried that he would bite Adam if they continued kissing. 

Adam’s hand was nothing like his own. His fingers were longer and his grip was slightly less sure. But he started moving, his hand pumping Ronan and now he did bite Adam’s shoulder, unable to stop from keening into him. “Parrish,” He groaned.

“Lynch.” Adam teased, looking at Ronan, his thumb swiping across Ronan’s slit, making him keen into Adam. 

He looked back at Adam, trying to think of what to say. He wanted to tell Adam everything he felt, everything he had been feeling for years. But he saw the goofy grin on Adam’s face, his glassy eyes, and realized something. “We can’t do this.” He said, pulling away. He stood, holding his pants up with his hand. 

Adam sat up, looking confused. “What? Why?”

“You’re drunk.” Ronan said plainly. 

“That doesn’t mean I don’t want this.” Adam said, reaching to pull Ronan back. “I’ve wanted this for years.” 

Ronan looked at him, Adam’s dark eyes and bare chest, and he wanted to. He nearly did. But he knew he would hate himself if he did. 

“Then tell me that in the morning.” Ronan said. “I’m sleeping on the couch.” He left, not letting himself look back. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiiiii sorry this took forever. I couldn’t decide if I wanted to split it into 2 chaps- or what was going to happen next. But decisions were made and the chap is here now! So, yay!


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “If you sleep on the couch you risk getting sat on. Them’s the rules.” Henry said with a shrug. “Why are you out here?”
> 
> “Because fuck you. That’s why.”

Ronan woke up the next morning to Henry sitting on his chest. “Hey there buddyyyy.” He said, grinning down at Ronan.

“What the fuck.” He said, pushing Henry off him. 

“If you sleep on the couch you risk getting sat on. Them’s the rules.” Henry said with a shrug. “Why are you out here?”

“Because fuck you. That’s why.” Ronan said, standing and starting to make coffee. Henry, unsurprisingly, followed him. 

“Did you and Adam talk yet?” Henry asked, sitting on the counter. 

Ronan turned to him. “Why do you care so much?”

“I am very bored and very single and it gives me joy?” He asked jokingly. Ronan glared at him and Henry sighed. “Fine. Because you two are perfect together. Because you’ve been pining over each other for years. Because I want my friends to be happy.” 

Ronan turned to him, shocked that Henry was being so honest. And that his honesty was kind. 

“Oh.”

Henry grinned at him. “Lynch speechless? This is too good. Let me get my camera”

“Shut the fuck up.” Ronan said, turning to grab a coffee cup. 

“And you’re back.” Henry stood, clapping him on the shoulder. “I’m here Ronan, if you want to talk. I can listen you know. I just usually don’t.”

Ronan almost took him up on the offer. He was nervous about what was going to happen when Adam woke up but before he could say anything Blue appeared, chipper, grinning and requesting coffee for Gansey.

The rest of the group woke up slowly and started to pack. Except for Adam. He remained asleep as they ate breakfast and brought things to the car. 

Finally it was time to leave and Adam still hadn't woken up. “Lynch go get him.” Noah shouted, chugging the last beer. 

Ronan shook his head violently and looked at Henry. “Please?” He mouthed and, amazingly, he obliged. Ronan wasn’t sure what he thought of this new Henry but wasn’t going to think about it too hard, he wasn’t sure it would last long enough to get used to. 

Ronan went out to the van, sitting in the very back seat. Noah crawled in next to him, talking about his plans for when they got back to campus. Blue and Gansey took the middle seats, leaving Adam to sit in the front, which was exactly what Ronan both wanted and dreaded. 

He was tense the whole ride home. Part of him wanted Adam to remember. He wanted to finally talk about this. Because he couldn’t recover from this. Having Adam’s hands on him, his lips, Ronan couldn’t piece their friendship back together from that. He couldn’t act like nothing happened and if it was just drunk Adam he wasn’t sure what he would do. 

He tried to listen to Noah who, luckily, didn’t notice that he was distracted. The drive was awful. It seemed like Adam slept for most of it, since Henry kept talking to Blue and Gansey. When the car pulled into the parking lot Ronan jumped out, grabbing his bag and disappearing. He couldn’t look Adam in the eyes, couldn’t deal with whatever he would see in them. His friends didn’t find the behavior strange and he couldn’t be around them anymore. He wasn’t sure if he could be around them again. 

He went back to his dorm, throwing his bag on the floor and falling to the bed. There was no recovery from this. He had ruined it. 

“Fuck.” He said, letting the gravity of everything fill him. “Shit. Fuck.” Anxiety rolled over him in waves and he was stuck on last night, on his actions. He should have left the room immediately, shouldn’t have let Adam kiss him. He definitely shouldn’t have kissed him back. Had he taken advantage of drunk Adam? The thought made a knot form in his stomach. He couldn’t handle any of this. It was all out of his comfort zone and he didn’t want to think about it, but it was all he could think about. He kept replaying the night, thinking about Adam touching him, how he had smelled, the noises he made, but also trying to remember how drunk Adam was. Did he know what he was doing? Had he meant what he said? 

He was debating how much work it would to dropout of school and just fuck around Europe for a few years when there was a knock on his door.

“Fuck off!” He called, not in the mood to talk to anyone. Possibly ever. 

“No.” A quiet voice called back.

Adam. Fucking Adam. 

He stood, wiping his hands on his jeans. He let himself pause and take a deep breath before opening the door. 

Adam looked at him and Ronan stared back. He looked like shit, he was hung over and probably wanted to vomit. But he was  _ here _ . That meant he remembered. The thought wasn’t as reassuring as Ronan had hoped it would be. 

“Are you going to invite me in? Standing kinda hurts right now.” Adam asked after a minute. 

He wordlessly stepped aside and gestured Adam in. Adam sat on his bed, leaning against the wall. Ronan sat at his desk, watching Adam’s slow movements. If he thought it was bad before this was worse. Part of Ronan wanted to run, to flee his room, just so he could avoid this. 

“I meant it.” Adam finally said, looking at Ronan. “Last night. I meant it.” 

The frankness in his voice surprised Ronan. Adam was the most private of the group, rarely revealing his true emotions or speaking about them. For him to admit it- sober- Ronan wasn’t ready for it.

When he didn’t speak Adam continued. “And I think, I mean, I’m pretty sure, you like me. I mean, you seemed to like me last night.” Adam cheeks turned pink as he said it but he maintained eye contact with Ronan, who was still speechless, trying to take it all in. 

“Say something!” Adam demanded when the silence stretched into minutes. 

“Why?” 

Adam scoffed, leaning his head back and closing his eyes. “I’ve wondered that.” He said slowly, like he was thinking about it.  “I don’t know Lynch. You’re a good person, when you aren’t thinking about it. You’re funny. You make me happy.” He looked at Ronan again. “Isn’t that enough?” 

Ronan nodded. “It’s enough.”

“So now what?” Adam asked, looking at him. 

Ronan didn’t know. He was new to this. He still expected Adam to laugh and say that it was a big joke. Because how could this be real? There was no way Adam could feel the same way. It didn’t make sense. None of this made sense and Ronan was still fighting the impulse to run, or make a joke, or grab a bottle. 

Ronan wasn’t one for first moves (or second, or third, whatever they were on) so he shrugged. Adam let out a small huff of a laugh. “Come sit by me.” 

That was something he could do. Ronan moved next to Adam, who instantly fell into him, his head resting on Ronan’s shoulder. Ronan looked at him. “Come here.” He said, laying down and pulling Adam with him. “You didn’t have to come over right away.” He said, playing the big spoon for Adam. He left a few inches between them but Adam grabbed his hand and pulled him closer, pressing them together. 

“Didn’t want you to avoid me again.” Adam muttered, already half asleep. “Not letting you escape.”

“I don’t want to escape.” Ronan told him. “I’m not going anywhere.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't going to update since its pynchweek and we're all swimming in amazing new content butttt this chap called to me. And I wanted some happy boys


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ronan woke up because his phone was ringing. He normally kept it on vibrate so the sound startled him. He untangled from Adam, who was still sound asleep, and answered it, resisting the urge to stare at the still sleeping form of his...whatever they were. “What?”
> 
> “Do you know where Adam is?” Gansey asked. “He disappeared a few hours ago.”
> 
> “Yes.” He replied, hanging up and putting his phone on silent.

Ronan woke up because his phone was ringing. He normally kept it on vibrate so the sound startled him. He untangled from Adam, who was still sound asleep, and answered it, resisting the urge to stare at the still sleeping form of his...whatever they were. “What?” 

“Do you know where Adam is?” Gansey asked. “He disappeared a few hours ago.” 

“Yes.” He replied, hanging up and putting his phone on silent. 

Adam was waking up, Ronan watched as he stretched and opened his eyes. “Hey.” Adam said, smiling up at him. 

“Hey.” Ronan replied, feeling awkward. He was still expecting Adam to take back what he said, to decide that no, he didn’t want to be with Ronan. It all felt too surreal.

“What the fuck are you doing over there?” Adam asked.

“Sulking.” 

Adam laughed and stood, walking over to him. “Well, stop.” He put his arms around Ronan’s neck cautiously, like he was asking for permission. Ronan stilled, still feeling like all of this was too good to be real.  The weight of Adam’s hands on him did little to convince him and he had to stop himself from drawing away. He had wanted this for so long and now that it was happening he was only a little short of terrified and he was sure that Adam could tell. His eyes scanned Ronan’s face, looking for something. 

“Can I kiss you?” Adam asked, looking at him. “I’m sober this time, promise.” 

“Fuck yes.” 

Adam pressed his lips to Ronan’s. Again, he marveled at how different every kiss felt. This one was soft and hesitant. It surprised him, the other times Adam had been confident and assured but now it seemed that both of them were more cautious. Probably because this was real. There was no hiding behind the guise of a fake kiss or alcohol. 

Adam pulled back and looked at Ronan, the uncertainty written on his face. Ronan wanted to erase that. This is real, he told himself. Don’t fuck it up. 

“I want this.” Ronan told him, swallowing. Saying it out loud felt like a confession. 

The effect on Adam was immediate. The worry lines disappeared and Adam relaxed. “You’re hard to read.” He replied. 

Ronan decided that actions spoke louder than words and kissed Adam again, his hands pressing against Adam’s back. He pulled Adam closer, until they were pressed together, chest to chest. He could feel Adam’s heart beating rapidly against him, mirroring his own. 

“I want you.” Ronan told him, breaking the kiss. “For a long time, I’ve wanted you.” 

Adam looked at him with the softest eyes Ronan had ever seen. He wanted to keep talking, whatever it took to keep that look on Adam’s face.

“Lynch, you big softie.” Adam said, smiling.

“I’ll deny it if you tell anyone.” 

“I would never.” Adam said, kissing him again. This kiss started light but Ronan could feel the passion underneath it. Adam was moving against him, not quite grinding but close. He bit Ronan’s bottom lip and he groaned. 

“I’m so glad you have a single dorm.” His leg slipped between Ronan’s and pressed into him. 

“Oh, Fuck. Me too.” He said, gripping Adam’s hips harder. Ronan wanted everything, he wanted all of Adam, especially as Adam splayed his hands over Ronan’s back, keeping him near. 

But he also wanted to go slow, to enjoy each piece of this in its entirety. He wanted a world of firsts with Adam and to enjoy them all. That part of him won out. He let his hands wander under Adam’s shirt, enjoying the warm skin and how Adam gasped as his fingers danced. 

He looked at Adam’s face. It was splotchy and red, and his eyes were already darker. “You’re gorgeous.” He whispered, kissing him again before Adam could argue. 

He pulled Adam’s shirt off, stepping back to look at him. His eyes drank in Adam’s torso, still slightly too thin, covered with scars, stunning. He could see Adam tense, crossing his hands over his chest. Ronan pulled them down, looking at Adam again.

“I love this.” He said with as much sincerity as he could, pressing a palm to Adam’s chest. He did, every scar was part of Adam and, while he wished he could have prevented them, they were part of Adam and that gave them their own different beauty. He let his hand roam over Adam’s clavicle and then down to his bellybutton, where a trail of hair disappeared into his pants. 

“Ronan.” Adam’s voice was lower than normal, huskier. He wanted Adam to keep talking, to keep hearing that voice. 

“What?” He asked, his hand still on Adam’s stomach, feeling his breaths coming in short pants.

Adam took Ronan’s shirt by the hem and pulled it off, tossing it to the corner. “This is better.” He ran his fingertips over Ronan’s chest, slowly moving them across his skin until his hand rested on the top of Ronan’s pants, thumb barely pressed under his boxers.

Both hesitated. Ronan knew that this was a big step. It would pass them from friends to more-than.

“We don’t have to.” Ronan said, though he could feel the strain of his erection just from having Adam’s hand close. 

“Do you want to stop?” 

Ronan shook his head. “Never.” 

Adam smiled and undid Ronan’s jeans, letting them fall to his ankles. Ronan did the same, leaving both in their boxers. He stepped out of his pants and lead Adam to the bed, the two laying down on their sides.

He let his hand trail down Adam’s side, watching his reactions.  Adam seemed to be doing the same, his eyes roamed over Ronan, catching on his tented boxers.

“I want to touch you.” Adam said, his hand playing with the elastic on Ronan’s boxers. He nodded. Adam’s hand disappeared under the fabric and Ronan felt his fingertips grazing his thigh, moving closer. They finally brushed Ronan’s cock and he gasped, biting his lip to stifle a moan. Adam smiled at him shyly and slowly wrapped his fingers around him. Ronan’s eyes were squeezed shut but he could feel Adam watching him. Adam’s hand started moving and Ronan groaned. Like last night, his hand was hesitant but he seemed to grow more assured as Ronan moaned and thrust. His hand felt different than Ronan’s, in the best way, longer fingers and a new angle. Plus, it was attached to Adam, something he never thought he’d get to experience.  Adam’s thumb swiped his slit and Ronan grasped Adam’s shoulder. 

“Fuck, I’m going to cum if you keep doing that.” He gritted out.

“What? This?” Adam asked, repeating the action. 

Ronan’s eyes flew open and he saw the grin on Adam’s face. Wanting to even the playing field he slipped his hand into Adam’s briefs, watching his mouth fall open as Ronan grabbed him, his velvety skin soft under Ronan’s calloused hand. 

They started stroking each other, moving together as best they could. Adam brought their lips together again and they kissed messily, both pausing to gasp as a hand twisted or the pace changed. 

Ronan came first, the heat in his stomach exploding over Adam’s hands and his legs. Adam wasn’t far behind, a small huff escaped his lips and his cheeks flushed slightly more as he came. Ronan kissed him again, reminding himself that he could do this whenever he wanted. That this was real. 

Ronan stood, grabbing both tissues and then laid back down, looking at Adam. “We can never be friends again.” He told Adam.

“Good.” Adam said, leaning in to kiss him again. “Because I don’t want to be just your friend. I want to be your boyfriend.”

Ronan smiled. An honest, genuine smile. “I want that too Parrish.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chap has no plot and I don't regret it. 
> 
> So thats the end of this fic. Thanks for the comments and kudos! 
> 
> Related- I was thinking of making this a series? Them figuring out how to be a couple with the others? First fight? First time having sex? Idk. Let me know what you think.

**Author's Note:**

> I might have an obsession with Ronan needing to feed Adam. I don't regret it.
> 
> Come say hi on tumblr- [tinyarmedtrex](https://tinyarmedtrex.tumblr.com/)


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